At the moment I am experiencing a lot about how my own mind is working. I am talking specifically about how dealing with mixed types of emotions are shifting from 1 way all the way to the other side of the spectrum of feelings. As you have maybe have read before I am leaving the place where I have been living for the last 3.5 years to move to a new country.
In this phase of transition I am going through at the moment I am experiencing so many different emotions that it is draining all my energy. I was writing earlier in the week that I am using sailing as a very well working distraction. But for the rest of the time my head is jumping from one side to the other one.
The powerful thing of the mind...
...Is that you can also choose when you let all these thoughts in. So for instance when I am on a quiet moment on the beach I really actively take a moment to grieve for the place that I am loosing and the phase that I am ending. Yeah, I let some tears flow, yeah I allow myself to feel sad. In the hope that at a next moment I can feel proud again for taking new steps in my life. (Naturally this also has some wishful thinking in it, I can't control my brain 100%)
Paperwork
One of the things that is actively worrying me is that I am afraid I will not have my paperwork done in time before I leave. No, this is not a irrational fear, this is realistic. Yesterday somebody said to me: 'stop worrying about it, its Sunday and Friday is the first time you can get back in the game on it.'
Of course I am aware of the fact that this worrying is not helping anybody, but it DID help that somebody said: 'Stop it'
Today I feel more relaxed about it, as also @clio pointed out in one of her replies: it will be fine in the end and if it does not turn fine, also THAT will turn out fine in the end.
The fact that I am positive today about it, does not necessarily mean I will still be that in an hour, or tomorrow. But I am trying. I really am
Positive Vibes
This doesnt mean that I am like breaking down all the time, I am getting a lot of positive vibes as well! The language school I will be working with were very positive about the level of my German (YAY), and also job applications are going strong. And to live closer to my family is also a definite pro, I am really looking forward to having more opportunities on seeing them. In the end: family matters!
All in all
I have to be realistic, in 2.5 week I will not be living here anymore and that is damn fast! When I think about going to the airport my eyes start to fill up with tears already, so I am really trying to block this thought out. That works the majority of the time. I am trying to enjoy my last 2.5 week here by doing nice stuff with good people and that seems to be working. I think when I am actually not on the island anymore it will be easier to look forward to the next steps. I like reflecting my thoughts on the blockchain here, it helps me in looking forward and getting the level of stress down.
So expect more of this type of rambling coming up over the next couple of days :)
Being able to observe ourselves is arguably our greatest superpower!! NICE POST Karin!! :) I love that you are looking forward.... :)
Its not always easy but yes forward is the way to go!!
Self observation is never a bad thing....putting the feelings on paper doesnt make us vulnerable, it makes us realistic!
It's a scientifically proven fact that your brain cannot determine the difference between reality and imagination. If you were to completely relax and measure your heart rate when it's at a nice relaxed place and then spend a few seconds thinking about a painful experience from your past you'll notice that your breathing gets shallow and your heart rate increases just as if you were experiencing that same event here in the present. The great thing is that this works for positive experiences as well.
We have barely tapped the awesome power of our resourceful brains.
Evolve on!
Its true, the mind can do so much more than what we are aware of as yet!
Untouched soil as yet!
Knowing your why helps to get through.
Yeah I am aware of my whys and pro and cons but still the brain tends to take one or the other on full speed every now and then!
You are describing as if one part of you is yeah and another part of you is neah or am I misunderstanding ?
well more the....I am entirely yeahh, but the mind sometimes thinks.. 'are you sure? should you really? what are you getting yourself into??'
and then that nehhhhh feeling comes lurking around the corner again. Maybe its a girl thing ;)
Not really . It's internal dialogue. Everybody has it. Most of the times it is trying to protect you, from the unknown for example.
Just like when your mum told you "be careful when you cross the street" . You said all right and crossed the street.
Any life change can be scary because it is a leap into the unknown, even if we think we are prepared for every eventuality. When we left Canada for Central America we didn't know exactly where we were going and we left as a family of four with a couple of suitcases each. We didn't know the language but we knew we were in for an adventure. We took that leap of faith. Did we regret it? Not on your life! Whatever decisions you make, look at it as an adventure. Follow your heart and you can't go wrong!
Exactly, its time for a next step and I am ready for it. But even being ready means also saying goodbye to the old life is still hurtful unfortunately. In the end... it will all be fine
Every time we say goodbye to an old chapter in our lives and open a new one, it is bittersweet. We look forward to the new challenges while grieving for our old life. It will all work out. Being home with family for a while helps.
Thanks for being open about a somewhat difficult situation, but you for sure have some structure and plans to deal with all of this! Keep chugging along! Rooting for you!
I like being open about it. Ive seen so many people come and leave for all different reasons, and I think in the end everybody had difficulties with this last phase to actually pack up your life and leave (to most likely never come back).
I dont find emigration a big thing, because in the end it is not. To me more of the difficulty is in leaving you build up life behind
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by karinxxl from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.