I was raised by a totalitarian dictator with a penchant for belts. My grandmother liked paint stirrers and yard sticks. I do not think I am a bad person because of this, but I tend not to want to hit my children. I do punish (timeouts, removal of toys) but this only goes so far. I have found that you must let them experience the natural consequences of thier actions as we do in adulthood. I don't consider myself permissive though. I make them hold my hand in parking lots and crossing streets and if they act up in a store, I make them get in the cart. For the most part they are polite and peaceful, but there are three of them and they do use violence sometimes to work out differences.
Sometimes, it is very hard for me not to spank them, but, I give myself pause when I think of how my relationship with my mother was so strained. I never trusted her completely and it has taken years for me to come to terms with her. I want my kids to trust me because a lot of times, I felt completely alone. I cannot blame my mom, she was raised by a totalitarian dictator as well, I just wish she would have ended the cycle of violence instead of continuing it.
That is the job I have taken on however. It is an uphill battle to not repeat your parents' behaviors, but, not impossible. There has to be rules, but, enforcing them peacefully has got to be better. For them and also for me. Thanks for the post.
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