I always try to approach my and any kid with reason and logic, as much as I can. I will admit that I have and do use techniques to 'discpline'. But discipline, to me, isn't about punishment as punishment is a form of retaliation.
For instance, when my son was younger, about 3 or 4, he was very well-behaved, to mean he didn't throw tantrums and, typically, he would listen, even though he would ask for reasons for what was being asked of him. But there were times...
I once asked him to pick up his toys and put them away. He resisted and wanted to know why he couldn't leave them out. I explained that they could get lost or broken and that someone could trip or step on them and hurt themselves and that is why you should clean up after yourself.
He still resisted and went into a mode of refusal that was beyond logic. He didn't want to reason. Now, I don't want him to feel like he is 'bad' for making a choice on his own volition, BUT, I didn't want him to think that tantrums and outright refusal in the face of logic was okay. I didn't want him to learn and think that if he makes a big enough stink, somehow, that makes what he wants okay, acceptable or reasonable.
So, I told him that if he wanted to act this way, he could do so over against the wall of the room because it made me sad to see him acting like this. Yes, this might be a form of manipulation, but it was the truth.
He went over and he cried and sniffled. When he calmed down, I sat near him and asked if he wanted to come sit next to me and talk. He did. I took him in my lap and told him that I'm sorry he was upset. And then I explained that he wasn't 'bad' but that he can't throw a fit and expect that to change what is or isn't. I told him that the only thing more important than what we want in the moment is what is best in the long run, for us as well as for others.
We can't get upset every time things aren't going our way. We have to either change them, when we can, or adapt to them.
Of course, I used much more simplistic terms and concepts.
I don't see this as either authoritative or permissive. It is rational. He is my equal in his rights but he is not my equal in knowledge, wisdom or foresight. Furthermore, it is my duty, to him, to guide, teach and guard him. And, so, while I may not FORCE him to do as I ask, I will not let him think that refusing to do what is needed for logical and rational reasons will help him in the long run.
He and I hugged and wiped each others tears away(yeah, I cry when my son is upset, bite me) and then we both cleaned up his toys and he told me about how each toy could be broken or hurt somebody if it was left out.
I'm sure it's not perfect, but there is no perfect parenting. You do what you can with the resources and knowledge you have.
But I will say this, I will NEVER say 'because I said so.' I didn't accept that as a child and I will not use it as an adult. It's bullshit logic.
Anyway, just my two cents. Nice write up.