I wish more parents knew the harm they inflict on their children when they spank
Spankings may damage the brain; they teach the child that violence is acceptable; they let the child know the parent will never negotiate; they teach the child fear the person that is supposed to love them; they instill the idea of duty to authority; they lead to resentment; they inspire the child to cut themselves later to release pressure; they entice the children to become cops or politicians so they can displace pent-up emotions onto others; they allow for later self-destruction through drugs; they lead to the child spanking their own children and perpetuating the cycle of child hatred.This abuse justified as spanking causes much of the ugliness and violence we see in the world, but people arrogantly dismiss this fact as "human nature." Thus, they deny any responsibility in helping create this hellhole world, with its rampant violence. The truth right in front of us, though. Everyone can act to heal our broken and tragic species.
Stop hitting.
Stop spanking.
My name is Sterlin. Follow me @ Psychologic-Anarchist. I also run the Psychologic-Anarchist Facebook page and produce many YouTube videos. My interests lie in the intersection of counseling psychology and anarchism. I write about the depredations of psychiatry, and also the new philosophy of compassionate anarchism. We have a large community devoted to discussing psychology and relational voluntaryism.
I feel that if theirs one thing that could actually change the world, it's peacfull parenting.
Preach brotha
Yep. I am firm believer in that notion. If anything will change the world, it is using more peaceful parenting strategies.
I'm trying to sell the idea to my family. They rarely spank, but theirs still a lot of tough love there. I just want them to try more negotiating rather than "do what I say because I said it"
There are many other really broken things parents are still doing, like hiding their distress when they feel distressed (kids need to learn empathy), scolding kids for breaking or damaging accidentally things when they should just shrug it off and say "well that's just a thing" (materialism), considering every stanger in town like a creepy kidnapper and indiscriminately isolating kids from interaction with strangers (fear of strangers), refusing to acknowledge children's reasons for crying or throwing a tantrum (kids feel misunderstood by their own parents) or trying to coerce them in repressing their feelings and internalizing them, pretending that parents are always right (then kids lack critical thinking and skepticism), pretending that school / teachers / adults / school program shall never be questioned (then kids will just follow blindly authority), over emphasizing the important of success over happiness and purpose ... and the list goes on.
Great article @sterlinluxan, keep pushin out quality content :)
Thank you sir. I will keep at it.
Keep sharing the good work @sterlinluxan
Thank you. I sure will!
Short, simple, and to the point.
I would actually love to see a study relating to wether there is a corolation between children being spanked and becoming police or politicians. You might be onto something
Yeah, that would be an awesome study, Gregory. Maybe one day soon someone will do one. Right now, that would probably be looked on with content...or maybe not.
I feared my father and he never "abused" me by definition. But he spanked me, and it lead to many suppressed emotions including the fear of speaking up and I would freeze up if I was involved in a conflict instead of standing up for myself. We have the resources today to become peaceful parents. Why not use valuable time to research better approaches. Humanity depends on it.
I never understood.....until I could begin to read emotions on the face of my first born child. The thought of him fearing me, his mother, the ONE person in this whole world that he should be able to trust......it completely shattered what I thought I understood about parenting. 😢
I thought it was a wonderful tool; it would be applied 'with love' - just like my parents did to me. I turned out fine. Right? 🙄
Very thoughtful indeed, thank you!
Remembering the sound that the pain accompanied colors memories for decades.
The mental scars do not heal, they grow over.
As parents we need to clear our heads from anger and frustration before dealing with a childs outbursts or bad behavior. I grew up being spanked but it was rare. Once my dad started taking his belt off of his pants I knew he ment he was serious, so I snapped out of it before it got to the point where I was spanked. I love my dad and I dont feel I was ever abused. I was a little shit. But I do know if they had better skills dealing with my bad behavior it could've helped me grow up a little more level headed myself as an adult. Great article, really makes you think about the impact we all have on others through our own behavior.
Anything can "damage" a brain. You are being a sensationalist once again @sterlinluxan. There is a difference between spanking and child abuse. Spanking can be benefitial as Dr. Jared Pingleton, a clinical psychologist points out.
If spanking was that harmful to the brain, our species would never have survived since it used to be the traditional form of discipline—and in a much harsher fashion imay add—for millenia. I am against spanking but I am also against one sided, over simplified, 101 psychological arguments for the sake of popularising "common sense" subjects.
When you touch these issues, especially with the hand of semi-pseudoscientific psychology, always make sure to provide the opposing arguments as well. It is impossible to make a controlled experiment on the subject. Your assumptions can hold no basis even if you manipulate statistical data to your liking.
For example this study demonstrates that they can do better in school. It comes to direct conflict with your "brain damage" post.
Physical Stressors can help a living being by making it stronger. Surely you won't beat the crap out of someone to make them stronger, but some form of punishment with physical warning works. Same stradegy applies to exercise. Just because you feel a bit of lactic acid burning your muscles, it doesn't mean you are really hurting.
P.S: Recycling your old posts in this manner is really pathetic penny grabbing technique. Like I said. You earned a place in my shit list. Be very wary of the generic nonsense you post in the future.
Violence can be beneficial?
Mmmmm. Ok man. Sure thing.
Read again @gregoryschneider . I never said those words. Don't be yet again another anarcho-douche
And spanking isn't violence because we do it to basically defenseless children who don't want to be spanked, as opposed to adults whose behavior we dislike, who could actually fight back.
Anything can be considered "violent" @danarchy . I might see something on tv, get offended, get a "trauma" and consider it "violent" because I am under a "defenceless" social context.
Spare me with this form of politically correct language. I can turn your argument back at you. We are talking about informative, planned spanking. not straight up beat up. Please don't be one of those imbacile nooby anarchists that gets triggered with every single thing.
PS: Check spanking free sweden breeding a nationa of brats.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/sweden/10421246/Swedish-parenting-has-created-nation-of-brats.html
@kyriacos are you also teaching your children to be scornful of people who disagree with their views?
The Time article linked is thus:
Dr. Jared Pingleton is a clinical psychologist and minister and serves as the director for Focus on the Family’s Counseling department
From the 'About' section of Focus on the Family:
Focus on the Family is a global Christian ministry dedicated to helping families thrive. We provide help and resources for couples to build healthy marriages that reflect God's design, and for parents to raise their children according to morals and values grounded in biblical principles.
The "it damages the brain" argument made me chuckle: strange notion of anatomy :P
But I agree with OP that it banalizes violence and teaches the children that it's OK to use violence to assert authority. There is no need to make a controlled experiment to reach that conclusion: it's elementary logic. Small children learn by observing and imitating the behavior of their parents.
Anything can "damage" a brain...If spanking was that harmful to the brain...
So, are you trying to claim anything can damage the brain, or that spanking isn't "that harmful" to the brain?
our species would never have survived since it used to be the traditional form of discipline...You are being a sensationalist once again @sterlinluxan
The term "brain damage" does not suggest that initiating force against children with no physical or emotional defenses would lead to the extinction of our species. The intellectual failure you demonstrate here disqualifies you from lecturing anyone on "sensationalism."
It is impossible to make a controlled experiment on the subject...For example this study demonstrates that they can do better in school. It comes to direct conflict with your "brain damage" post.
You exemplify a simple idiot when you attempt to discredit someone else's sources by saying the results cannot be verified for lack of a control group, and then offer up sources that cannot be verified because they didn't have a control group.
Physical Stressors can help a living being by making it stronger.
Then sign your kids up for soccer or football instead of hitting them.
some form of punishment with physical warning works.
It only works for lazy parents. For people who actually put effort into communicating and negotiating with their children, there's no need for physical violence.
Just because you feel a bit of lactic acid burning your muscles, it doesn't mean you are really hurting.
From a violent, caveman style perspective you're probably right. However it completely ignores the psychological and emotional damage that children suffer at the hands of the people they have no choice but to trust. It doesn't matter if your intent is to hurt them or just teach them a lesson, the only thing that matters is what it looks like from their perspective. They might learn their lesson, but they also learn what it feels like to be physically and emotionally betrayed by the first person they've ever trusted not to betray them.
You and your silly shit list will have to find space on the shitty-parent list that the non-violent members of society have to constantly drag around with them. Do the world a favor, don't breed anymore.
I was spanked myself and I am really scared that somewhen I could hit my own children. I hate my parents for this, because I know better, but knowing isn't doing when you're stressed. We need to stop this cycle. I have students who say they would never touch a kid at work in a kindergarten or school, but they would hit their own kids, because it "didn't damage" them. I was speechless...
Maybe amend the title to -The many harms of spanking children . I know a few ladies out there who quite enjoy a good spanking every now and again :)
i think it's pretty clear what I am talking about, because most people don't associate harms with consensual, adult sexual activity. Lol
You speak from my soul. On August 8th I stumbled over a video posted on Facebook by "Street Guardians". In the video there is a kid that called the police for having been spanked with a belt on the bottom by his mother. The message was "It´s discipline, not abuse".
I felt sick and ugly beeing called human together with these peoples. THEN I read the comments below the video and the stats (66 million views, 800k likes, and 95% positive and supporting comments) and I nearly fainted by so much cruel shit beeing done to our children.
https://www.facebook.com/TheStreetGuardians/videos (you´ll have to look for the video "we need more of this")
Hello I featured you in my Top 5 Psychology Gems, Here Great content.
great post :)
Thanks @dragonslayer109
"they teach the child fear the person" ->
"they teach the child to fear the person"
Very good post, thank you!
Thank you.
exelent
Thank you for advocating peaceful parenting, it's probably one of the most important task one can undertake!
“Anybody who tries to change society without examining the family is trying to push a shadow without moving a statue.” ― Stefan Molyneux
Absolutely. It is one of my primary focuses. Thanks for commenting on my blog. I appreciate that.
@ recursive
I am actually teaching my kids how to engage in the kind of conversation tries to shift the attention elsewhere when the going gets tough. It is intellectually dishonest.
focus @recursive . I don't buy in this kind of cheap talk. Learn to talk without logical fallacies
@kyriacos Learn how to talk more respectfully whether you agree or not.
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