When I was in high school, I told myself I would never be like my parents. Years later I still think I've succeeded in a way but there are always instances when I would just find myself saying things I know only my parents would say or acting in certain situations the way my parents would handle them. At first I told myself perhaps it was just the inevitable adaptation of their habits and all as I lived with them for so long as a kid, and kids have a very easily influenced slate of a mind. Now, although that remains true, there is still some other aspects surrounding this issue I think you guys should know.
Search for Familiar Routes
The reason for that is because according to neuroscientists, when we are put under pressure from a stressful situation, our neurons in our brain seek familiar ways out of it. Of course, growing up we've seen our parents handle it all from handling children like our young selves down to the worst life obstacles there could ever be. Our close link to them and their experiences then sets the model for us to follow especially at the most frustrating situations of all like handling kids with the shortest attention span...
Does this mean we're doomed to make the same life choices our parents made?
The fruit may not fall far from the tree, but it certainly is never the tree or the rest of the other fruits the tree bears. Sure, our genetic makeup is patterned from our parents but the experiences and memories we store in our systems as we grow do not have to be as similar. Here are a couple of ways to break that so-called pattern if ever you feel like you're trapped into becoming your parents and you so not want to be like them:
1. First Things First, Stop Telling Yourself You Are Like Your Parents
You are an individual with your own choices and identity. You might not know much about the latter because you are still exploring and so does your mom or your dad, so why claim you are like them when they are not even sure who or what they really are too in the first place? Why get yourself in other people's search for the self when you can just focus on yours, right?
2. A Little Modification is Big Enough to Create Something New
What if that small quality is bad though? Okay, first of all I'm not suggesting you forget your morals but always ask if is it bad because society's unreasonable standards think it is, or because your parents would never recommend it, or because it just REALLY is bad? If it's the first two cases, then explore that part of you more and see where it leads you--definitely somewhere where you could find that freedom from that trap.
If it's the last one, then I'm sure you just need to explore more things in life as there are many wonderful things beyond where you are that could make you become not just the person you want to be apart from your parents' images but even the best you could ever be in this life.
