I'm back! It's been a bit of a roller coaster in the past few months. I've been mostly feeling better and only had a couple of minor triggers in the last few months. Minor meaning that it didn't last long and it didn't last days or weeks. So that's a good thing. If you'll read my previous posts about getting triggered you will see that I get triggered by cars and vehicles. Sometimes it's from watching tv. Most of the time it's when I'm riding in a car. I also get triggered sometimes when driving but I am more guaranteed to get triggered when riding with others. I had about a month with no triggers and I was happy and thinking that since I'd taken a few rideshares to get around with no triggers, I would be ok to try to ride with someone I knew. After all, rideshares are F-ing expensive where I live..... that's another reason I don't go out much is to preserve money. The other is obviously to avoid getting triggered. Back to the story. I got in the car after a night of drinking with a sober friend. I felt pretty anxious but that's not unusual with PTSD and vehicles. I did my breathing exercises the whole time and hung on the the "oh shit" bar the whole time with a death grip. We got to our destination and I got out of the car and took a few deep breaths. I felt relieved and started walking and BOOM! It hit me like a cannonball. I started bawling uncontrollably and almost fell to the ground numerous times. My heart was racing, even though I consciously knew I was safe. I was embarrassed and couldn't stop bawling uncontrollably. My body felt like I was I was in the middle of a life threatening situation. It was reacting like I was too. I knew I was safe but that doesn't matter with PTSD. That's what people don't understand. People tend to think that we "think" ourselves into that response.... We don't! It's involuntary. I have only known these people for a few months and not very many people here have seen me go through an episode because I tend to isolate myself. It's called self preservation. I was soo embarrassed but my new friends handled it like champs. I got home and went to bed. No nightmares. Yay. I thought to myself it IS getting a little better. Then last night.
Nightmare after nightmare about getting into car accidents and having to be cut out of metal that is surrounding me and causing me pain. The doctors in my dreams were all dismissing it as if I were fine and cutting me out of metal enveloping my body from car accidents was a simple and easy thing. Implying the pain I was feeling from it wasn't real and it was all in my head. Today I'm feeling pretty good. Of course, I haven't been out at all either. We'll see.
Again the reason I'm writing about this is to help raise awareness for those of us living with invisible disabilities. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Feel free to ask questions and open a respectful dialogue. Thank you again.
Please reply to this comment if you accept or decline.
I accept. Thank you very much :)
Thank you for sharing about your experiences. I can see why someone on the outside looking in might want to assume that it's something you can "just get over" and move on. But it's good to be reminded that it's involuntary, and we should be more sympathetic to that.
thank you for reading with an open mind. That's why I post my stories so some might learn from that. Thank you so much again.
You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through. Have a nice day :)
Nice to have you back :)
thanks sunshine. It's nice to be back :) I've missed you
Thanks! It's just nice to read some original honest posts :)
ty :) How've you been? Did you have a good summer?
I sure did. I was enjoying life in France, which was great as the summer didn't arrive here in Denmark. How has yours been?
It's been good. I've been healing and pulling myself back together. I'm starting to make friends. The weather is beautiful as summer here has been rough this year lol It's cooled down to the 80's in the day and 60's at night here. I wish it was like this year round. :) Glad France was good for you. I'd love to hear some stories if you want to share :)
I think it's very beneficial to do something you find difficult every day, taking a cold shower for example, or going out for a walk, even if it's just half an hour around your neighborhood.
Staying inside makes all your energy bounce back to you. I experience this all the time and when I go out, it suddenly feels like I can breathe again.
I would have to agree with you on that. Most days I'm able to. Every once in a while I'm not able to. Fresh air and breathing are heaven. One thing too many take for granted. :) Thank you for your input :)
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thank you very much. What an honor :) I appreciate all of the help I can get in raising awareness.
Oh such good new friends :)
I once had a panic attack from watching IronMan have a panic attack on the screen.
IN the theater.
One of the other radio hosts suffers pretty bad, and ended up in the hospital twice this week from an episode. I will be focusing one of my upcoming radio shows on anxiety and PTSD. Its becoming more and more prevalent and in my honest opinion an epidemic.
I understand. I can't watch movies with car chases or sometimes even just cars in them. No more James Bond for me.... It's embarrassing for me but I keep reminding myself that it's involuntary. I still want to collaborate and talk to you more to get to know ou better. From the little I do know about you, you are a symbol of strength for me and I'd like to thank you for that. :)
We definitely must get together :)