I am so very sorry that you are suffering and going through so much pain... As I read this post (or more honestly skimmed it as reading is not one of my strong-suits), there were several parts that really resonated with me and just the traumas we may have from our pasts...
But that is the most beautiful and poetic thing about everything though is that we are still here through sheer strength and determination. It is through our suffering that is what makes our character and base so strong. Sometimes it maybe hard to ask for help but I'm sure there are a lot of Domestic violence/abuse organizations that may help you with your problems or maybe link you to agencies or groups that can help aid you as YOU may not have a problem at all, but your environment/surroundings ARE.
I hope you continue to express or find ways to release all of these emotions in a healthy way for you as bottled up can feel quite overwhelming and heavy. You got this though, as you've already overcome and are here today after so many atrocious things have happened to you. If you ever want to reach out to vent or talk about some subject matter with someone who will never judge but lend an ear to another human being who is suffering please do so.
I tend to keep myself rather busy so at times it may take a little longer to respond, but I can say that I do care and will put the effort into understanding if that is needed.
"Did you know that last year when I posted my Thanksgiving post with all of my sparkling china and food and mentioned something about how I am treated at home, it was my small way of crying out?" This particular quote stood out to me and hit home for me in such a massive way because sometimes even though we put our best foot forward and everyone feels like we are doing good or well in the insides we are broken or shattered by our experiences.
Just like you decided to take a stand in 9/22/21 I believe you can continue to solidify your foundation through the will and persistence you've shown thus far.
(>'')> You got this <(''<)
!PIZZA