it is really heartbreaking what you write and I hope you know that there are real people who suffer and that are attacked in the same way that you feel attacked when someone calls you transphobic, the only difference is that their life is at risk while you will always be able to feel calm that no one is going to kill you for the things you say
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The remedy for suffering, is not attacking people who ask to not participate in your culture. Individualism is great, herd mentality and victim mentality are things I distance myself from.