Imagine this… it really happened to my father.
The Dream Comes True
Congratulations. You are the big winner for the contest. According to Chase Bank, they have verified an account was created with $1 million dollars in it. Write down the account number, so the winnings can be transferred to you.
A Dream Is Not Reality
A normal person would be very suspicious. What is the catch? This is probably a lie or a scam, right?
Here is what really happened (and I only know a small part of the story’s aftermath)...
Note this post is a bit of a long read, so skip ahead to the subject titles to skim through if you are in a hurry. I would love to read your comments if you have time to share.
This is not the typical type of post I like to share, but I appreciate the wider audience available here on Hive, and want to encourage more relational networking with others through supportive life advice topics.
A Tense Tuesday Evening
I arrived at home and my mother is extremely agitated. She tends to exaggerate, but insists my dad has been on the phone for hours sharing disturbing financial details.
How much do you still owe on your house?
How much do you have in your savings?
Which banks are your accounts with?
At 9:30 pm at night, when I got home he was still talking to someone on his cell phone. He is staring at his laptop, while explaining that his cursor is still spinning and the window he opened has not finished loading. The person on the phone seems to be attempting to help him.
But Wait, That's Not All!
He had opened an email from someone named Peter. It had the paperclip symbol under the title saying he is the winner. The paperclip I recognize is an icon which means it has a hidden attachment.
Standing next to him while he is on the phone explaining to the caller that his email isn't loading properly, I am pointing out that his computer could be frozen because it was infected with spyware.
I knew instantly it was all a scam.
Typical Phishing Email Title
The email he was trying to load had “You are the winner!!!” as the title.
Triple exclamation points are an example of bad grammar and hyperbolic language. Red flag.
Using a generic “You” as a personal pronoun, because they likely do not know his first and last name. Another red flag.
A Spinning Wheel Could Mean You Are About To Win Big
His mouse icon has been turned into an infinitely spinning color wheel. He can still use the task bar, and safari is working (slower than normal), but his email cannot be interacted with, and the email window has not displayed any body text yet.
Eventually he finishes small talk with the person on the phone call, after agreeing to resume their conversation at 7:30 in the morning.
A Civil Conversation
I ask him to explain to me what led him to this phone conversation.
First he explains, he was given a phone number to call. The number he called answered with a recording. The recording stated that they were Chase Bank with an account number for him to transfer $1 million dollars from.
I told him lie number one is that they told him he was a winner. Lie number two was the number he called was not Chase Bank. Everything in the recorded message was a lie.
Beware A Phone Number From Someone You Do Not Know
Even worse, he was already in danger of being overcharged a bunch of money on his phone bill. He called a phone number they gave him. This call potentially charged him money to a foreign country hotline number. It was a 200 something area code we did not recognize.
Apple Computer Paranoia
Lastly I worried that the email he opened was actively monitoring his computer with new spyware.
A relevant tangent… last year a man on the phone tricked him into installing spyware, because he thought it was an Apple Store helper on the phone. I spoke to the scammer on the phone and they hung up because I caught him in his lies. So I did a quick google search on my smartphone and called the real Apple Tech Support line (knowing the Apple phone number blinking on my dad's computer screen was the scammer's) and Tech Support restored his computer instantly with a couple keystroke commands.
Earlier in the week my dad had been ancy because he claimed his MacBook computer needed to be updated to a new version or operating system. I cannot help him because I have extreme malice with apple computers set to be intentionally unintuitive for me, a lifetime PC user to understand. I am skeptical that his computer might not need a major update, that it isn't already doing automatically.
What Is The Verdict?
So here we are, and I ask my dad if he believes this is a scam or not. He accepts, now, that it seems likely he might not have won a contest he never entered, but he still wants to continue interacting with the person he was talking to.
Why?
He tells me it is like playing monopoly or gambling. It is fun for him. It is just that simple. As long as he doesn't reveal too much, and participates in the game, he doesn't feel like there is any danger. Maybe he will get lucky with one of these contests.
My Attempt To Talk Some Sense
Why would you want to talk to someone if you know they are lying to you? If you know they are trying to scam you? If you know they are a criminal targeting you? I asked him these questions
It is entertaining to him, he says. He enjoys talking to them. It is fun.
The Mind Of The Professional Scammer
So that is the tactic.
An international criminal targeting the elderly can assume many things are likely true.
They may have abundant assets and savings.
They may have health problems, mental illness, memory problems, extreme gullibility, or lapses in good judgment.
They probably aren't as attractive in personality as they used to be. They might not get out as much, and might be out of practice engaging in conversations that require advanced expertise and quick thinking.
For someone like my dad, I explained when you talk to one scammer, they will be on you like mosquitoes. One leads to the next, and the next, and then twelve others, and then infinitely more people. Each one is more evasive, persistent, and buzzes more clever words in your ears than the last one.
The first person will likely invite you to talk to their associate, and this person will be much smoother on the phone. They do not get annoyed because my dad is hard of hearing, because the con artist on the phone has a great voice and doesn't mind repeating himself. The professional on the phone is extremely motivated and passionate about his great privilege to speak with winners, like my dad. Everything he says are the things everyone loves to hear. It is his lucky day.
Planting The Brain Rot Seed
The problem is the caller is a predator with honey words. Even if we alert my father that the caller is a crook, he still wants to play along, even after they are caught potentially cheating in this game he believes he is playing.
Maybe he is a winner, he thinks. It doesn't hurt to play along and see if he can pick up the winnings by talking to this nice person a little bit longer.
That is what it all comes down to for him. Even if it is a scam, he still would rather talk to the scammer, because he enjoys being talked to.
They Prey On Weakness, And Kill You With Kindness
Perhaps he suffers from loneliness, a need for a closer friendship, or yearns for a new ongoing relationship to add entertainment to the boring hours in his daily life.
My dad is glad to talk to someone who is either the giver of a huge prize, or someone who will happily endanger him and his family to steal his money. Under the surface, I think he is glad for the momentary fulfillment of much needed attention, encouragement, guidance, compliments, and the thrill of a possible financial windfall.
Power Is An Illusion
Apparently, my dad tends to behave as though he is bulletproof as long as he is controlling and making all the decisions. Since no scammer has broken him yet beyond repair, my dad must think he is still invincible.
That is, in a way, a winning streak. It is a lot like a gambler who plays slots and feels stronger every time they succeed at spending within budget, or don't get caught overspending.
Gullible Isn't Even In The Dictionary
It is a trap and an addiction he suffers from. He has always been a magnet for scammers. His best friend of 20 years was scamming him (obviously to his family) little by little (a leach) until the day he died, but he had no regrets. He loved talking about all the new business plans and investment programs he was concocting with his best buddy.
Curing The Mind
One thing I do know about mental illness, or unhealthy addictions, is you cannot change someone if they do not think they have a problem, do not want to change, or do not agree with the solutions they are being offered.
Unless you can make a breakthrough by coming to a common mind, in agreement on a few simple things, you will find yourself at an impasse. Disagreements may set yourself up worse as their adversary in future conflicts.
Knock It Off!
It is hard because we just want to call him names like moron, idiot, and sucker, to shock him into realizing his decision making is catastrophic. Name calling probably won't help.
My mom and I agree he needs to be caught immediately before a scam starts, to prevent the situation from escalating to criminal behavior.
A Lifeline
Ideally someone with more patience than us can teach him how to recognize suspicious emails and phone calls before they happen.
Maybe he would be convinced to call a trusted friend or family member before he responds to an email or phone number to ask their opinion on a contest or money deal he was contacted about.
He has a better relationship with my brother who lives elsewhere, but he doesn't like to be bothered too often. Nobody else is really available to help him all day long other than mother, but she is not exactly a calm voice of reason he is willing to share every sketchy financial decision with.
Intervention
At what point do you realize a person is incapable of making certain decisions on their own?
Is there anything you can do to convince someone to give some of their own power to control their spending and accounts?
A lot of people get divorced over irresponsible spending, or an unwillingness to act in even partnership with their spouse.
My Worst Fears If Nothing Changes
I often worry about potential financial problems my mother will discover in shock, that she may have little to nothing to live on after he passes away, and a court will order his debts be paid first before his shared assets and savings are unfrozen for her.
First thing I think we would risk losing is our home. Then my mom's car, his van, and mine, which are registered to his name.
Yes, these are typical problems in a poor family pretending to live a typical middle class lifestyle. We are all sharing a bit in the same delusion. So the fault is as much mine as theirs.
In Conclusion
Sorry! This has been a bit of a rant, and my mother and I wish we knew how to help my dad wake up and wise up to all these scammers. This latest event was quite alarming.
If you have any advice or similar anecdotes you want to share, I am all ears.
CREDIT
Cover Photo: Pexels Artist Andra Piacquadio
Link: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-in-white-dress-shirt-926390/
#advice #true #scam #gambling #mental-illness #life #living #intervention #help #real #real-life #hard-choices #truestory
My parents have gotten the "grandson is in jail, send bail money" call a few times. They don't send money but do engage with the caller more than I am comfortable with. Afterwards, they are always shaken enough to call and check on the grandkids even though its clearly a scam and they know in their brain, emotionally they worry it might be true.
I've talked with the "send money to pay overdue electric bill or power will be cut off" scammers more than once.
This is a terribly difficult dilema. Both financially but also with healthcare decisions. The best plan is to get them to agree to giving up some control before it is an issue. "You are fine now but what if something would happen to you?" is easier than "you have to give up some control right now."
This is a real problem. Even shared assets can be frozen making the surviving spouse unable to access them for a period of time. My older brother passed away and he had put his wifes name on everything thinking she could just continue as usual when he died. That did not happen. This issue is one that requires a will and estate planning. Depending on your resources, there are lawyers that can make this easy. Or there are online resources that allow you to make a simple (but fully legal and enforceable) will.
These are age old problems and I have offered nothing new. The one recent development I have seen is some companies are offering apps that basically give you "read only" access to your parent finances. It provides a good check that nothing unusual is happening with their finances without forcing them to give up any control. The problem is that it does require them to give up privacy. Many people don't want anyone knowing anything about their finances. How much money they have or how they spend it.
Oh God we all have a story I bet. My mother in law, walking into her partners lounge and screaming at him to put the phone down when she heard him give give too many details to someone on the phone.... ahhh trust no one!!!!!
I mean, this is the world we live in, where scammers prey on the lonely, vulnerable and gullible
..and untechsavvy, so that scamming for some is a legit career choice, unless you are an indentured slave in a scam factory somewhere in, idk, Thailand.
I hope you talk some sense into him
Although... It is fun wasting scammers time...
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