I have to be cautious, as someone who is not from any of my timelines has recently written themselves into my reality. I'm receiving the symbolistic messages, dream interference, and experiencing alternate versions of my inner circle of friends that have been hinting to me that my timeline is and has been on the move, greater than I had noticed this past month.
Reader Warning:
- Reality shifting is prone to memories being re-written.
- I may eventually not recall any of these incidents in the coming future.
- All names are abbreviated to prevent this current timeline from freezing into permanence.
Hyper Aware Version of T
Here is the main post where T appears, although he has been blogged about on several occasions. Yesterday, I got to meet a heavily shifted version of him for the first time for lunch. We have lived together twice, and have countless experiences for reference, so imagine my face when I realized that the T in this current timeline is almost an absolute stranger to me.
Luckily he was also aware of many of the other versions of himself and is fully aware of the shifts happening in my current timelines. T's habits, routines, personality, goals, and outlooks on life are too different. Regardless, in this reality he is still a good friend, and finally a reality shifter himself.
T laughed it off pretty well that I wasn't even aware that this version of him could exist. We ended up discussing some recent shifts that should be watched carefully. Rather a specific person that doesn't quite fit into the story.
B's Character Change
"As above, so below"—B's character in my current timeline also changed entirely. Much like T, B has also been written in my blogs quite a number of times herself. The last full mention being here. So when she appears as a more child-like (not childish) incarnation that is not the one I'm used to seeing, I am going to throw my guard up.
In this timeline, she's less aware of the shifting. She's also watching me closer than normal. Like I've mentioned in Quantum Immortality, the versions of my friends that I'm beginning to experience are still them fundamentally, but at the same time are not the ones from the original story.
The reason that I'm being extra cautious is that B has introduced another person into my timeline, that doesn't belong there. Worse, I don't know if she's doing it—or it's someone else's manifestation breaking into my reality.
The Replacement Incarnation of K
It gets heavy. There is a person that shares a resemblance to K that has infiltrated my reality as far back as a month ago. This went completely undetected until a few days ago, when B had us hang out again for [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] and invited T to attend.
I thought I had been imagining things that whole day, that C really reminded me of K—everything from name, to appearance, to various traits. It wasn't until T met with me for lunch and brought the whole thing up that I began to notice that something was severely wrong. T's theory is that C is an incarnation of K projected by K himself as what he would be like in an ideal world, rewritting himself back into my reality from a different perspective.
I argued T out that even though it would be possible, that it lacks K's style. Even if in this current reality K's original incarnation is compromised, he wouldn't write himself back as a different person. My original theory was that he was written in as a safe guard to test me before the next chapter arrives, because my desire to recover a specific timeline is too strong to not manifest itself in some way, shape, or form.
How this started is that about a month ago, B had introduced me to C. As in this universe C is good friends with B on the same level as me. I got the first red flag when it was mentioned that she has told C more about me than the other way around. Upon meeting for the first time, C also passed a reality check. He knew specific information about me that my closest friends don't know (including B), proving that there exists a timeline where he actually knows me.
Here's the catch though. Regardless of how much information is slowly provided to me, I don't recall him. As in no face, no name, no memory of him ever existing. As of current I have yet to pinpoint, he is lying about something that's protecting his actual identity from me. I could be someone else like B or even myself projecting him into this timeline, but if he's doing this himself—it's more than likely that he's also a shifter trying to seek me out for some reason that I'm not aware of yet.
Interdimensional Traveling
I really wish that I could write this all off. Maybe I'm going insane because everything that happened. Is this how it all ends? The entire reason I believe in the Many World's Interpretation is because there have been two other times where someone appeared in my reality from somewhere else. Each time, they were looking for me in a separate reality. It's a lot like my quest for K's timeline.
There's a lot of misfortune along the way, and the first person who shifted reality his name is "i", and he came from another timeline to protect me back in 2008/2009. What's fucked up, is that the me that he found was not the same version he was supposed to protect, and it nearly drove him insane when he realized that the me he once knew was unrecoverable. i become friends with this version of me instead.
The second person that shifted; his name was R. He came from a timeline where the version of me that he met needed to be destroyed and had manipulated reality to a point of no return. He made it a personal goal to exact his revenge. It took a long time for him to realize that me, and the person he wanted revenge on are two different incarnations. R became good friends with B to get close to me, and we had to keep this a secret for many years.
I told her today that I cannot be friends with C because... I followed it up by revealing the truth about R. She said it was okay, and I didn't have to for any reason.
What I am getting at here, is that no matter how far I go on this quest to recover the timeline with K, it's not going to be the version of him that I remember—this might all actually be for nothing. K is likely not to remember me, because the timeline I'm from is too far away. This hurts a lot. But I have to let all of the timelines go, and instead accept insanity and failure. I even said it in the # 16th diary;
"Now remember, try not to do things in life you'll regret because you'll never be able to go back to your original timeline to fix it. I mean, this sounds obvious at first..."
I fucked up my original timeline, so I can't go back now.
The Eerie and Almost Perfect Timeline
Maybe it all wasn't for nothing. Shy in this timeline is happy, S is happy, B is happy... And for once Evan is happier too, and so is T.
In my wavering last moments of sanity, I was able to see everyone in my world experience their best timeline. The best ones that I could find anyway.
S doesn't want to live where we are living any more because we are experiencing broken machinery in this reality that is finally falling apart. What do I mean? The elevators keep breaking, our keycards keep descanning. He even said that this may be a result of his bad RNG/ luck but he recently believed that there is some kind of conspiracy going on with him and he cannot be here.
S had a mental breakdown the other day as a result of all of this shifting. Even if it was only for a little while, he became aware of everything. He wants to leave, but needs me to come with him—and he refuses a reality without me. He said that it wasn't fair that I can go and make sure that everyone else's lives end up better but mine.
His voice cracked when he said to me; that this was very unfair, and that my life shouldn't have been this hard. It sounded like he was about to cry.
I traded away every consolation timeline to follow this route into hell. Do I regret seeking K and going on this quest? Nah, it was eye-opening to say the least. I want to believe that I helped, even though I won't be remembered.
Multi-manifestations of K
Since my last diary, I've been able to reach him twice. He's materialized in a dream once, and he was observed as existing by multiple people a few days ago. He finally materialized and is better now—K is finally okay in this timeline. This is his first post of 2018. So I think it's safe for me to stop now. The K I knew, well, he's never coming back. I have to accept it.
S's Suicide Watch Party
I have to tell myself every day that suicide isn't the answer. It's getting harder to tell myself that. S has to leave on a trip for three weeks starting on June 20th. T and B know about this, and that I will be completely alone. S also said that he doesn't want to come home to a decomposing body and doesn't know what he would do if I died.
Now that I know for a fact that I can't change my fate I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be alive anymore. But!!! Everytime I think I have it bad, someone else has it way worse than me, I have to be brave even now. Even if I can't see the next move, I have to take a step.
Thank you @bollutech for this art!
It sounds like quite a perplexing affair to be dealing with all these timelines and realities. How do you manage it?
It pains me to see a fellow contemplative human pondering suicide... I may not know you very well, but I see a kindred spirit, I want to say in all sincerity that this world, this reality is all the better with you in it!
By the way, I was glad you were able to find use for that quote "Where attention goes, energy flows..."
The best thing about pain and struggle is being able to look back and say "I survived this, despite all the shit, I conquered all of this." Your journey is not yet over... sharpen your blade and keep fighting!
I didn't handle it too well apparently, but I am swapping things up to be more okay now. You don't even know me @puddinpaws, but even then you wanted to be there for me when I feeling down and not wanting to be around anymore.
We have a saying in Hawaii that goes;
"If can, then can.
If cannot, then still can.
If still cannot,
.
.
.
then bottle."
Thank you for being there for me, when I really needed someone there. I'm blessed that I got to meet you <3
With love,
@shello
I'm happy to have been there for you. I too have had my battles with an unstable mind and dark thoughts.
That is an usual saying but I sort of get it. (^o^/) I wish you well Your are most welcome.
I was luckily able to vanquish the shadows. Thank you for being here for me c:
Hmm... I am just so speechless. I haven't seen a well analogous explicit mode of writing like this before. I must commend you for this unique post and I am very proud of you @shello.
I love your attitude towards T, S, K and R. I think S was having a form of grudge in you because that reason isn't really genuine enough leaving you and others. I felt sympathy for S about his mental breakdown.
Lols.... Why do you say I won't come back again?
I love this concluding part.
"Now that I know for a fact that I can't change my fate I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be alive anymore."
This is the motivation you need most @shello.
No matter how difficult your situation is, there is someone out there experiencing greater difficulty compared to yours.
Thanks for sharing this lovely post @shello with love from @hardaeborla
Thank you @hardaeborla,
I'm trying to keep my comments shorter now, but I appreciate your attention to my details. I've been gone for a week, but am slowly trying to pick myself back up. I'm grateful for my world. Thank you so much for stopping in.
With love,
@shello
You are very welcome @shello... I really missed your lovely postings alot
There will be more @hardaeborla c: Again, much appreciated!~
I just can't wait to read more of it 😁
Thank you @hardaeborla!~ c:
I totally agree!
It begins. Gotta show courage especially when I'm scared. I got this!
It begins. Gotta
Show courage especially when
I'm scared. I got this!
- shello
I'm a bot. I detect haiku.
That's actually kinda cool. WHAT.