I know I was troublesome, and had some unstable friendships and romantic relationship in the past 18 years of my life, but I thought I was a normal autistic person struggling with a personality disorder. I went out everywhere feeling safe and normal like no one was scrutinizing me in an angry, disturbed way. Yes, it was delusional and stupid of me to believe that I was ordinary, not cursed nor even abusive. Obviously, my soul is intrinsically... unusual and it has a complex relationship with the source or higher, infinite intelligence. I know I was an idiot for going around confidently promoting my ideas to others without feeling ashamed, like I'm antisocial or sadistic or a curse, but I miss feeling okay like that because now I feel like I cannot be a normal person ever again. No, I was never one, way before I was even born.
This year, in 2024, everything's changed. Ever since coming back from the mental hospital and a few women as well as men there were making up false allegations about me there, everything's changed for me in my neighborhood and streets. The neighbors who I thought were on good terms with me and my old classmates all of a sudden began slandering me and saying very bad things about me that I hear. My house is fairly large, and those old classmates and ex-friends happen to be friends/relatives with my neighbors. On the streets, everywhere people were gossiping about me, and you can call me crazy or narcissistic, but that was what I was hearing and seeing.
I then concluded that my ex-friends who had vendettas towards me were slandering me, going around telling everyone they knew that I'm abusive and doing bad things to them. If it wasn't for watching old videos and footages from before 2017 would I realize before I did anything there were already rumors and allegations about me. I don't know if it's me or someone with the exact same first and last name who's strongly shamed and scrutinized by society. Either ways, in those very old street footages and recordings (before 2017), some people were already talking about this person with the exact same name as me, first and last name. The old recordings and footages also had people mention two of my ex-friends' names, also the exact same names. One recording happened in the late 1900s.
I realized now that this is not just me behaving badly in 2017, 2022, and 2023 with my ex-friends. But this is something that's been going on forever now, like a curse. I don't know if this is the work of some negative entity or humanity's spreading rumors about someone low-profile for entertainment and drama, alongside my own childhood/teenage behaviors. This has been going on forever, and this explains why I've been treated differently my whole life, way before I did anything. I used to think I was treated like a psychopath because I was autistic and people didn't want to be around me, but now I realize such rumors/allegations would make other children and young teens my age feel hesitant to be friends with me.