I am being open and vulnerable in hopes that this will help at least one person along their journey. All it took was seeing someone close to me get sober - that was the proof I needed.
As of 4/22/2022 I officially have 3 years of sobriety. It is a true miracle to me, some may say it was luck and others will say it was hard work. Whether you believe in miracles or not, all I know is I am sober today.
On February 8th, 2019 I had got off the phone with my girlfriend, the one that gave me hope that sobriety was possible. She convinced me to go to the emergency room. I couldn’t stand up with out shaking, it alarmed me because my leg and calf muscles had always been super strong from doing door-to-door sales over the past 20+ years. All the muscle in my legs and arms had turned to mush and was depleting quick. My foot, calf and ankle were so swollen it looked as big as someone playing defense for the Seattle Seahawks. The only difference was there was no muscle in my leg at all. My legs and arms felt like a bag of turkey grease with the drippings in it from Thanksgiving. I was actually scared for the 1st time in a long time.
I had no choice but to take an Uber in the middle of a huge snow storm to the nearest hospital. I knew something was dreadfully wrong. I had snorted over 1oz of cocaine in the the last 7 days and at least 10–15 30mg oxycodone daily, along with it. I had a huge problem, but I had no clue.
When I was at the ER I would go to the bathroom and snort my cocaine. I actually thought I was cool, but now I see it was just disgusting. When I got there they hooked me up to an IV to hydrate me. I was kept on the IV for 24 hours. Even though I was still hooked up to the IV, I would walk it with me to the bathroom to do more lines. I was honest with the Dr. and told him that I was using a lot of coke and Oxy on a regular basis. He was very frank with me and told me if I had not come in, I would have been dead within 24 hrs.
I was diagnosed with rhabdomyolysis I had no idea what this was until I looked it up. It is basically when the kidneys quit working and can’t get rid of toxins in your body or break down proteins properly. Essentially the toxins in my muscle cells were breaking down the cell walls causing them to “melt.” This ultimately can lead to death or failure of the kidneys.
I didn’t get sober right after my hospital visit either. It took me well over a month after that visit to get sober and included plenty of relapses. Just know that if you are struggling with addiction of any sort, relapse isn’t the end of it. Relapse eventually made me aware of what I didn’t want to keep doing. Everyone has their own journey. You have to know what you want. I wanted my freedom back. I knew that once I got my freedom back everything else would follow.
The 1st thing I had to do was really accept that I was a drug addict and that I was completely powerless over drugs and alcohol. I somehow got brave enough to check myself into an outpatient treatment center. That was the beginning of my sobriety.
Thank you for letting me share my story.