We are born without knowing how to be children, without knowing how to be children, we grow up without knowing how to be friends; we form a home without knowing how to be a family and so we spend the rest of our lives.
We live each day searching for the purpose of our lives and we waste our time in that search. We pretend to fit into a social group, all so as not to feel excluded and to feel that we are part of something bigger than our own existence.... I admit, it's hard to live like that.
Every night, we look at the stars, wishing to be part of one of them to shine in the middle of the darkness, but many times the light bill takes its toll on you.
We live with a constant fear of failure and that same fear leads us to commit actions that at first may not seem to have anything wrong, but then you realize that it leads you into an abyss where there is no way out and the only one responsible for you being there is yourself. Being the master of your life is exhausting.
Throughout my life I have heard people say that I am a winner and I tried to believe that I was, but if I am honest I don't feel that I won anything; on the contrary I lost a lot. I have failed as a son by not understanding many times my mother's intentions, I have failed as a friend by not understanding the point of view of many of my friends, passing my poor and abused ego over; I failed as a brother, by not visiting and taking care of them; I failed as a husband by not knowing how to interpret what my wife really wanted, believing that just being there was more than enough and above all I failed as a father, by not following those advices that my elders gave me in order to give the best of me and make sure to create a better world for her. Yes... I have failed in many things, but I think the biggest failure is to myself, for showing myself in front of the mirror and pretending that nothing has happened when everything was happening, for never being honest with me; for never playing in my favor, because lying to yourself and pretending that everything is fine is not playing in your favor, that is being against yourself because it makes you believe that you can go through life without fixing anything knowing that everything is falling apart.
I don't know if this is food for thought for anyone, but this is a very personal message to myself. Sometimes it is not enough to restart the game, many times it is better to turn off the console so that the screen does not saturate your eyesight and make you blind of your own reality.
