Yesterday I survived a life threatening situation. But first I was very depressed and wanted to disappear. A friend hailed me. I came to pick her up. Brought her back here. An we talked for hours trying to figure out why I am so numb. An yet she said we needed an adventure. She pushed me to drive through a winter storm. We picked up drinks to celebrate.
She lied to me about this whole thing. She was using my depression to get drinks I thought. Cause she lost her kids due to drinking.
I drove her home. Met her man. An they were terrified to find that she was drinking. Idk why.
But they all started to flee. She got angry for being judged for her past. She's had a difficult life and was tired of being misunderstood.
Therefore when they shamed her when she got home. She got mad. An wanted to attack him. I put myself between him and her.
An she stopped cause it was me.
He said shes hit me before. I got to get out of here with the kids and the dogs.
I realized I have enabled her. An I felt such sorrow cause I was selfish and needed somebody to help me. I allowed them to drink with me
I made a huge mistake. She's going berserk. She's yelling and the only people left were me and her son.
I put myself in front of him. To block her from any physical activity. Yet she loved him. An when she yelled at her dad. The boy said
"He's a good man! He's a good father"
He cried so hard he choked.
She busted into tears and went and hugged him.
I fell back into the kitchen. Thinking I caused this.... She cried and the boy cried. My friends were driving frantically to come get the boy.
In a blizzard. She drifted in the snow to get to us.
She yelled when she got her.
But I broke down and said I was a coward. I don't want to live because I felt that I shouldn't exist. I only cause problems wherever I go. I don't want people to hurt anymore for my mistakes.
An the boy. The mom and the friend.. all hugged me.
An they said you are going to be okay.
The. I woke up. I realized it's okay to be flawed. It's okay to be human. No one is perfect. I still need to love them for who they are. If I didn't I would never of loved myself.
And there it was... Like a sick joke.
"Love yourself for being who you are. It's not about being perfect. It was being here today that mattered."
That felt like my first win I ever had life. Like I found me at my rock bottom. An all I want to do now is take my soul to the stars and never look back. Be good.
Be a good man.