Effect of marriage crises on the psychology of children

“I don’t know why dad doesn’t wash the toilet and bathroom when he knows it’s his turn, he likes doing things abnormally” she said to me after ending the call.
I was amazed, shocked and dumb founded to hear my friend say such about her father. I tried to hide my surprise so I could get more about what she just said.
Then she started, “my dad is a Muslim, but married my mum a Christian, but that didn’t matter as things were going smoothly because my dad has a business sufficient to cater for the family, while my mum is an extensive health worker with the government. Everything was going smoothly until the new government began road expansion and my father’s business was destroyed to create space for the construction, all attempts to get compensation from the government proved abortive. Since then, he hasn’t been doing anything tangible, so most time he is at home. My mum took up the responsibility of the house.

I am the third child of five children; my elder ones opt not to continue school since my dad could not afford the fees of a private school anymore. So they decided to learn a trade against my father’s wish of going to a public school to continue their education.
Things grew from bad to worse when our landlord threatened to throw us out in a month’s time, we were all in panic as we didn’t have anywhere to go, but my mum was calm. Few days to the deadline, my mum called us all to announce that she has built a house and we will be moving there since we don’t have anywhere else to go, and she had kept this until now because she doesn’t know how my dad will feel if he finds out she owns a house earlier, you know how men are she teased. We were all excited, but my dad wasn’t, but nobody cared.
We moved into the new house few days later, and my mum practically became the bread winner of our family and my dad became the house keeper.
So in a nut shell, my dad is a Muslim, my mum goes to a gospel church, I attend another church while my siblings don’t have a religion bearing as they shuttle between a mosque and a church, guess they are trying to balance things..(lol).
As she was saying this I stood transfixed like I’ve seen a ghost, I asked if she was narrating a movie to me, she said no, and I believed her because one thing I’ve noticed about her is that she doesn’t lie, and that why I’m still keeping her as my friend.
Sometimes when my dad put up a resistant to the way things are going in the family, my mum will shut him down, and incite him with a lot of things, some in our presence and many more behind us. So I was curious to know what her opinion about the whole issue is. She simply said” my dad deserves all he’s getting, she said I shouldn’t ask why, so I kept mute. And she continued” I can never allow one man to come and dominate my life, that is why I chose to go to school amongst my siblings and graduate with good grades, so I can always have a say in the marriage, because I can never allow one man all in the name of being my husband to come trample on my rights.

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One thing that corroborates her story was the way she’s been treating her spouse in the relationship she’s in, always wanting to be right and domineering. The guy being a gentle man absorbs everything, I was irritated when she and her spouse visited, they got into a heated argument and the guy warned her to stop but she didn’t asking what the guy will do if she didn’t stop. The guy eventually drove off leaving her behind at my place. I was just wondering if a human being could act like she does. No one dares talk, or advise her, because she abuses and nag your spirit out of your body.
Crises between parents usually affect the psychology of the children because on the long run, the children will be forced to take sides, and who wouldn’t join the winning and beneficial team? Once you are under the protection of one parent, the other becomes an enemy, and then you begin to generalize about marriage based on your own experience.

“My mum left my dad when I was a baby leaving me behind, my dad struggled to raise me to this stage, these made me see women as heartless beings and hence I’ve developed the phobia for marriage, so I avoid ladies like a plague” says a T.J 35year old banker.

Life has been so much fun since my parent separated and I am so enjoying the freedom I got when my mum decided to move to her house, I didn’t wait to be asked before I followed her, because my dad is too strict and he cages us with his moral discipline which can be unbearable. My mum is a successful business woman, so I will definitely not lack says Miriam an undergraduate.
Most parents forget or maybe neglect the effect of their fights and misunderstandings on the psychology of their children. A four year old girls was asked by her teacher of her father’s name, she then said ‘STUPID’ the teacher curiously asked how she knows that’s her father’s name, she said her mum always call her dad stupid whenever he returns from work “she will say that your STUPID father is coming again.

Parent should therefore manage their home with love, settle dispute away from the children, so as to raise a psychologically balanced generation.

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