Mini Motivation #127 - Divorce Is Not The End - Dating As A Single Dad (Part 2/2)

If you've missed part 1, here's the link to the post, and to bring you up to speed, here's a quick recap:

You have a second chance at love
The divorce is not always your fault
But if it is, you've gotta fix it
You must never forget your final responsibility as a parent
You need to know what you want from the new relationship
You need to know what your new partner expects from the relationship
If your ex is still in your life, you've gotta manage it

Yup, as you can see, yesterday's post was pretty much on the mindset and realities you gotta have.

Today, we're done with the principles. Let's get to the strategies, shall we?

THE STRATEGIES

Leverage on Your Strengths
OK, so you're a single-dad, and though the are a few things that work against you (remember yesterday we talked about the dirty word "baggages"), you got a few things in your favour too.

For one, you've just demonstrated good qualities a woman desire in a stable relationship - responsibility, independence, caring, fatherly figure (works for girls with daddy issues... not!)

Work on those strengths, and while other guys may throw their freedom and carefree living at your face, do know that if the girls are attracted to that, then they are probably not who you're looking for in the new relationship anyway (Reality #5 in yesterday's post.)
Kids are Great Pickup Lines
Yeah, you can make your kid(s) work for daddy! Kids are cute, adorable, and if they are well-behaved, they are just the right kind of angels to attract your future partner.

Prepare some pick up lines (or you can get them to say it with cute, puppy eyes) that shows your wit, charm and again, strong fatherly figure. Remember, in the dating scene of single man (who may not be tested to be good fathers), you clearly have an advantage. Play in your strength zone, buddy!
Prioritise Communication
Honest communication is key because let's face it, in an Asian context, divorce is still pretty taboo. As a matter of fact, in many cultures, they still view it as a failure, which may work against you.

So practice open conversation, and be truthful about what happened in your previous "failure" of a relationship. Truth is, most of us will hit a few road bumps, and chances are, you will make your future partner open up about their past relationship breakdowns, allowing both of you to share similar experiences and bond deeper.
Embrace Vulnerability
Many would view the open communication as a sign of weakness, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Showing your vulnerability and talking about your setbacks positively are attractive to women, appealing to the nurturing nature in them.

Just don't over do it and project an image of a helpless victim, negative "ranter" or drama king. While that may work in the beginning, in time, it will just turn the girls off. Seriously, they ain't gonna "mother" you, so man up.
Make it a Date
As much as your kids are gonna be around the both of you, you still have to make time for yourselves. Establish a network of support to help take care of your children for a few hours or perhaps a day - friends, neighbours, parents, in-laws (they will still love their grand kids) and push come to shove, your ex (hey, it's still her kids).

Lucky for me, I had some of those to help me out, so I can carve out evenings where I can spend with @deborism, and even afford to go on trips with her too. The truth is, you just gotta ask, and if your kids are well behaved, you can probably get temporary guardians easily.
Priority Management
Remember we talked about your final responsibility (Reality #4) yesterday? Time is against everyone, and everyone has the same amount of it. You just have to be smart in managing your time, so that you can be there for your kids, your new love, and also doing what is needed to put food on the table.
Nothing Beats Word of Mouth
Having your network put in a good word for you and recommending new partners to you is a good card to play with. And it's not that hard if you had been the good guy all along. Sure, some may pity you and be on the look out for potential mates with you. As long as you don't play the sympathy card, it's cool.

Be open about your relationship status, and that's where social media can be helpful. Remember, photos of you being a good dad with your kids are social proof of your capabilities and character, and hey, flaunt it if you are ok with it.

THE END GAME

Like I mentioned earlier yesterday, divorce is not the end. As a matter of fact, for me, it felt like a new beginning. Sure, there are some tough times, but hey, it could be a lot worse. Be grateful, be open, be hopeful, and who knows, that next girl, she's gonna be your partner for life.

Mini Motivation is my own daily strategy to inspire myself. Mostly 3-minute reads.

From Motivation, we gain Inspiration. From Inspiration, we achieve Momentum. And the rest, they say, is history.

Hope it helps nudge you a bit too in the right direction.

Oh it did? Let me know in the comments, and of course an upvote would be a nice motivation for me. :)

Stay awesome!

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princeso (57) 7 years ago

Nothing beat word of mouth is my best point here.

$0.05

2 votes

maverickfoo (67) 7 years ago

nothing like having your fans and advocates for your character :)

$0.00

crazymum (57) 7 years ago

When I hear or read the word “divorce” I say, “Thank You, Lord!” When people asked me if I wanted to remarry I told them, “Once is enough” 😊

$0.02

1 vote

Haha. Well, then again, there's the saying of "never say never!"

teammalaysia (45) 7 years ago

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luckyspark (47) 7 years ago

Sometimes I wonder, if it's right to divorce and once this thought comes to my mind I only think of how incandescent remain single for life
though I am a relationship expert, but attending to numerous breakup issue wear me down. You can check on me if you have time I am a relationship expert thanks