Going through a separation or divorce can be very difficult, no matter what the reason there was for it. It can turn your world upside down and make it hard to get through the work day and remain productive. But there are things you can do to get through these difficult changes.
+ Realize that it’s alright to have different feelings
Its okay to feel angry, sad, exhausted, confused and frustrated—and these feelings can be quite intense. You also may be worried about the future. Recognize that reactions like these will lessen with time. Even if the marriage was unhealthy, stepping into the unknown can still be scary.
+ Give yourself leeway
You might find yourself feeling and functioning at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as fruitful at your job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superwoman or superman, thus take the necessary amount of time you need to heal, regroup and re-energize.
+ Don’t go through this alone
Sharing how you feel with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider becoming a member of a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself might only result in elevated stress levels, lower your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships and overall health. Don’t be shy or scared to get outside help if you need it. 
+ Take care of yourself physically and emotionally
Be nice to yourself and to your body. Take time out to eat well, exercise and relax. Keep to your normal schedule as much as possible. Try to avoid making major changes or decisions at this moment in your life. Don’t indulge in drugs, alcohol or cigarettes as a way to cope; they only cause more problems.
+ Avoid fights
and power tussles with your former partner or spouse. If a conversation begins to turn into an argument, calmly suggest that you both try talking again later and either hang up the phone or walk away.
+ Take time to explore your interests
Rediscover the things you enjoy doing without your partner. It could be painting, dance classes, sports, etc. Sign up for a class, invest time in your hobbies, volunteer, and take time to enjoy life and make new friends.
+ Tips for talking to your kids
If you have children, here are some short tips that can help your young children and teens cope with these changes.Reassure and listen to them. Make sure your kids understand that your breakup is not their fault.
- Listen to and ease their worries, and be compassionate but clear in your responses.Maintain stability and routines. Try to keep your kids’ daily and weekly routines as they usually used to be, as much as you can.
- Let discipline be consistent. Now that your kids may share time with both parents separately, be sure to agree with your ex-spouse on things like bedtimes, curfews and other everyday decisions, as well as any punishments for misdemeanors.
- Let your children know they can rely on you. Make and uphold realistic promises. And don’t overwhelm them with your feelings about the divorce. They still need you to be strong for them.
- Don’t involve your children in the conflict. Avoid arguing with or talking negatively about the other parent when your kids are around. Don’t use them as messengers or spies, or make them take sides.
+ Think positively
Undoubtedly, this is easier said than done. Things may not be the same, but finding new friends and/or activities, and moving on with reasonable expectations will make this transition easier. Be flexible. If you have children, family traditions will still be paramount but some of them may need to be adjusted to fit the new changes. Help to make new family activities. Life will eventually get back to normal, although “normal” may be different from what you had originally hoped for.
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(images courtesy of pixabay)
you forgot to mention icecream and chocolate, the real superheroes after a breakup.
Especially the chocolate part!
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Sources:
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/coping-separation-and-divorce
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
Find the good in every situation. Accept it as a gift. It happened for a reason and now you are destined for another journey. Later you may look back and see why it happened and discoverer it was the best thing that could have ever happened to you.
I agree. I feel everything's an experience and whether it be good or bad. It prepares you for what you want and realize what you don't want.
No contact really does work wonders... for both parties
Some very good advice. I'm currently going through break-up with my girlfriend of 4 years. Broke up a month ago but still living in a same flat which most certainly doesn't help and kind of makes it worse to see a person you have strong feelings for.
Anyway my stress and anxiety was to much to handle for myself. I decided to seek some knowledge. I started to read a book
"How to Learn Life's Lessons and Become Life's Favorite" Alexander Sviyash Ph.D. English version (i'm reading in Lithuanian)
Already feel much better, I accept the world the way it is and with every event in our life we need to see and understand what universe want from us. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to have peace within or just going through a difficult time. In the end everything will be fine, if not it's not the end.
Hello, we are a small team works for a project of investigating the profiles of people who are/have been going through breakups.. please help us to fill this survey. Thanks a million! http://goo.gl/bglGPE
Good advice, I broke up with my boyfriend years ago it broke my heart the way he did it but felt better when he cane round a few weeks later asking if we could try again I wasnt going to give him a second chance but thankfully There were no kids involved. Once you get yourself over it go out treat yourself to a brand new hairstyle and make over to make yourself feel great again
Hello, we are a small team works for a project of investigating the profiles of people who are/have been going through breakups.. please help us to fill this survey. Thanks a million! http://goo.gl/bglGPE
It's no big deal!! With me to meet you.
Good quality post. Thank you. I went through a divorce and i lived on my bicycle. That and a few friends and my new job helped me so much.
@msgivings, I think the breakup indeed create confusion or stress, but whether it should be prolonged ??
We must be aware of our surroundings are still many who care about we, especially parents and friends, we could talk to them, find a good solution and have fun, or can we multiply flurry to forget lovemaking problems we..
That's my opinion about the breakup ..
You are vanessa, sometimes its better to be loved by friend and families but we could not hide it we need to be love by somebody.
I recently went through a very amicable split after an 8 year relationship. I received a lot of advise from my friends who had went through divorces. The common theme was always ... think about the value of any item your partner would like to take - and don't sweat the small stuff. I shrugged it off - we were very amicable. (Better friends after the split than we were in the relationship)
The advise came back to me on the day she moved out. We had everything packed and ready to go. She then went through the spice rack (I was the person who cooked in the house). Of all the things, this was what bothered me... Why was she taking MY spices. Then, I paused, took a deep breath, realized that it was about $20 of ground spices that were likely a year old and should be replaced anyways.
Marriage is not something is already built strongly, but its something every couple should learn how to build. Nobody knows what's deep inside every personality not even yourself and most of the time this deep personality will surface on the time you never know and suddenly realized what is this feeling, I didn't have this before, why he's/she's like this, this is not the person i used to know.
That's what personalities is all about, learn how to handle it instead of running away from it.
Hello, we are a small team works for a project of investigating the profiles of people who are/have been going through breakups.. please help us to fill this survey. Thanks a million! http://goo.gl/bglGPE
One of the worst things a parent can do is talk in a negative manner about the child's other parent. The child is half that person and the child might either resent you or feel alienated.
Yeah they will surely not understand the point.
There are things that may hurt on its initial occurence but is beneficial in the long run. Most of the time if not all the time, everything happens for a reason and that reason is always on the good side. You may feel the pain of course because we are humans but that will teach us something that we could not have learn in the absence of that painful experience.
Just realize why you broke up. There must be a reason. If the relationship was not succesful from the start, don't feel down, it would have ended anyway eventually. If the relationship only had a small drawdown, then it might still be salvageable.
Great post upvote and a follow from me 💚
A very good read, thank you! I'm printing this and giving it to a good friend of mine at lunch Saturday.
This is very helpful!
Love the advise. Dont wish anyone to go through this but if this is the case you provided with with some positivism! Thank you
everything happen have a reason. we need to accept it always. nice post
Thank you for the article. Divorced over 4 years ago and still adjusting emotionally.
I actually started writing. Sometimes, like when I was going thru my divorce, you don't have anyone that understands.
My friends really tried but they had never been thru it themselves so they had no idea how I was really feeling.
I found that writing out my feelings, even sometimes sharing them as I have done here, helps to not only get encouragement from others, but it may reach them so they know they are not alone in their feelings.
Icecream and chocolate can help indeed :) I discovered another superhero : garderning! I just published it 2 minutes ago : https://steemit.com/life/@herverisson/how-a-breakup-helped-me-to-realize-the-values-of-plants-and-gardening I just came across your post and think they complement each other quite well. Cheers!
Thanks for the tips!
Hey @msgivings. Unfortunately I couldn't find a way to contact you privately.
I'd like to make a guest post in your blog which goes into relationships and dating category. Would it be possible for you to contact me to check out an article I wrote and perhaps publish it in your blog if you like it?
[email protected]
I could relate to your article, I also just wanted to thank you for following me.