He winked at me from across the room. I shook my head, stifling a smile. It was our evangelism day and that wink was actually his way of reminding me. We've visited hospitals, prisons, schools, market places, name them. It was exciting, every moment spent serving the Lord with him.
Ken and I were very close friends. He made his intentions clear in plain English, he hoped to take me to the altar someday. We had agreed to remain friends and unattached while we wait until the right time. He was very free to talk to other sisters and I was very free to get to know other brothers. You know, that was very okay with us.
I smiled to myself again. I wondered if he knew what drew me to him in the first place. Why I let him that close. He was everything anyother girl would want in a man, but that wasn't why. What made him stand out to me was that he loved Jesus. A lot of young men with the cash, charisma and all there was to offer, had approached me, but I was looking for something. That was the one thing they all lacked; an intimacy with the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, it wasn't something that could be faked. The Holy Spirit in me is the same everywhere and if anyone didn't have Him, that witness wouldn't be there.
At the end of the service, someone took the empty seat beside me.
"Hey."
"Hey, what? Ken, you were winking at me when praises were going on."
"Oh that." He grinned from ear to ear. "We have evangelism today, Vanilla," he drawled, stretching out his long legs in front of him.
"Yeah, right. We going straight or grabbing some food first?"
"What do you think?'
"I think our growling stomachs won't have much to contribute to any discussion," I pointed out.
He laughed. "Yeah, right. Food it is then."
I looked on proudly while Ken dissected the word to an exdrug addict. Soon, I took over and afterwards we held hands while we prayed for her. When his hands closed over mine, the anointing was transmitted back and forth. We took one more round of evangelism, before heading home. I had my project to complete. Ken was a resident doctor and would be off to the hospital too. He dropped me off in my apartment we had a brief talk over tea before he left.
We had already mapped out the do's and don't. The don't included spending too much time alone. I could never forget that cold night, the night we made that decision. He had come to visit me when it started raining and the devil had planned it in such a way that my lodgemates had traveled for long vacation. I actually stayed back because, I had to work on my project. My name is Vanilla and I'm 23. I have blood flowing in my veins and I have hormones too.
That Night.
We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. It was easy to get lost in that intense gaze.
"I must go tonight, Vanilla."
"I don't remember asking you to stay," I shot back, disconcerted by the feelings waking up from God knows where! He chuckled.
I began to understand the devil's plan when the rain tripled, bangs of thunder announcing it. Lightening flashed. I'm a Nigerian and it was raining. Sure you understand what that meant? The electric light soon went off and I was in the same apartment with Ken. I excused myself and went to find the rechargeable lantern. I returned and set it in the parlour, then we continued with our conversation. My eyes followed his lips at every word and my mind was already imagining things. I regret to admit I was weak at that point. I was vulnerable and cold, a wonderful combination. I excused myself again to get my sweater. He shouted that he was freezing too and needed a blanket. I grabbed my blanket and returned with it.
"Ken."
"Hmm?"
"It's cold."
"I know. I should go and let you have the blanket."
"But it's still raining heavily."
"Yeah."
'"How about we share the blanket?"
I knew it was the devil speaking through me, but I didn't mind. The dude had great ideas. I was both surprised and relieved that he agreed. We wrapped the blanket around us and tried to stay as far from each other as possible. I shivered, not from the cold, but from what I felt. I didn't even want to think of prayer or remember God. That would spoil the mood.
"You're pulling the blanket to your side," I complained. He shifted closer and we remained silent.
"Ken?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you still going tonight?"
"As soon as the rain abates."
"I would prefer you looked at me while talking to me," I whined.
He sighed and turned on his side to face me. A muscle was ticking in his jaw.
He looked me right in the eyes. "You know how difficult this is, right?"
I didn't even pretend not to understand. I nodded.
"I don't know why I want to apologize. Truth is, I really want to hold you. Like badly. I won't do that though. If we start, we will never stop. My thoughts now are anything but pure, that's why. If we succeed in stopping, we must have aroused other emotions that may lead us to other sins to be relieved of them," he said.
My face fell. He lifted my chin with his index finger, so I could look at him.
"Vanilla, somehow I'm glad we found ourselves in this situation. We could both claim to be Christlike when there are no real temptations. What makes us stronger is standing when the storm rages. I would rather sleep in the bathtub than touch you."
"I'm really that repulsive?" I snapped.
He sighed. "That didn't come out right. I'm a man. I will loose all respect for you if we do this. I may never marry you anymore. We will both feel guilty and you'll hate me forever. Every other sin is outside the body, but the sin of fornication is against the body."
Eww, he just spoiled the moment. How could anyone be so annoyingly blunt? He stretched his hand over to the table and took my Bible. Shit! I left it there? He sat up and opened the Bible between us. He flipped to some verses and read them out loud.
"Think of few moments of pleasure in a cold weather," he whispered.
My eyes widened at the insinuation. Did he even know what image he was creating? He grinned wickedly, earning him a punch from me. He grew serious again.
"Now, think of all eternity in a lake of fire. Think of God being so proud of you and being let down. Think of the devil gloating over his victory on us. Think of the Holy Spirit grieving for our sakes and leaving us. Think of a future that will never happen, the weight of sin and guilt, the hatred and regret."
His eyes softened. His hand came up to brush back my hair gently. His touch had nothing to do with eros and everything to do with understanding, protective affections.
"Think of that Vanilla. I love you. I really do. That love won't let me do this. I can't claim to love you if I break your relationship with Jesus. I can't claim to love you, if I pull you far away from the Holy Spirit. Vanilla, my plan is to take you with me on this journey and not to be a stumbling block. Frankly speaking, I'd rather be shot dead right now, than touch you. There will be time for that. A wonderful wedding night on a big, white, flowery bed." He smiled and I smiled back shyly. "Right now, it is FORNICATION, a sin deserving of all eternity in hell fire."
I shifted uncomfortably and buried my face in my hands. I hated being so weak. I had done my best to make sure I never got into any compromising situation and here was one. And to think I was just drawn to this guy in a way I'd never been drawn to anyone in my life. Just being with him, was intoxicating. I looked up at him, not knowing what to expect. Did he scorn me for my weakness? What did he think of me now?
"You're strong Vanilla," he said, his face the picture of compassion.
"We both know I'm not!" I snapped.
"Okay... " he said thoughtfully. "I think that's why God gave you a guy like me. God will help us. I will be strong for both of us. How's that?"
I didn't answer, but he has succeeded in spoiling the mood anyway. I went to find my old Bible and joined him. We dug into mysteries and expounded truths in the word. By the time we were done, the rain had stopped. He held my hand as we prayed. With a single kiss on my forehead, he left. That was when the import of everything that happened began to dawn on me. If only every man was like Ken, the earth would have been a perfect sphere.
My phone rang as a text entered, snapping me out of my reverie.
"Good day beautiful, remember our date tonight. Resurrection Worship. Prepare for another portion of anointing. See you there!"
I smiled into my phone. I was going with my girlfriends anyway and didn't need reminder, but this was Ken. He could even text to remind me to lock my door. There's just something about a man that loves Jesus. He understands love and practices love. Love is not just a feeling, it is an action and a personality. If that personality does not exist in your acts of love, you're deceiving yourself. That personality is Christ.
Adaeze Rosemary Possible
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