At first it was probably genuine, but eventually you knew that I was just a side project for when your husband was in jail or in prison. Then you put me on the back burner. You told me you wanted your cake and eat it too - which meant both at the same time - but it wasn't that, it was just keeping me there in case you and Johnny broke up. Both cases are fucked up, and you were just using me. Especially recently. You even asked how were you using me? Well anytime you needed something, I was there for you, if you needed someone to talk to, I listened, if you needed something at the store, I would go. But when I needed you, ANYTIME I needed you, you were never there. Almost making it a point to make sure you weren't there. Now that's fucked up.
I've come to my senses recently. I'm not sure what did it, but something did it. Maybe it was the way I was treated and I finally had enough. I guess it really doesn't matter, the point is, you say you love me, but you either don't love me, or have a fucked up definition of love, because most people I know couldn't do the things you've done to me to someone they love. I can't tell you how many nights I cried because of stuff you did that your explanation was "I forgot." Or "I got busy." Or something else trivial that if you put a little bit of effort or thought into, you could've overcome - and worse, I would see you do it for other people and not me.
I've told you a million times before, actions speak louder than words, so when I see you do something and it's totally against what you said, I take that as you not telling the truth.
You act like your life is hard because of what everyone around you does to you, but in reality, your life is hard because you make it hard by not telling people the truth and the way you act. If you really wanted to leave Johnny you could - it wouldn't be that hard - but you don't want to, which I do understand - but don't blame Johnny for things that could be easily solved if you left him. Take responsibility for what you do. You say you do but you don't. You can argue that with me until you are blue in the face but I still know the truth - even if I say I agree with you. Which brings me to the last part - stop arguing with people thinking you are going to change their minds. You aren't going to. They may say they believe you or whatever, but they are just saying that to end the argument. The same goes with lying - deny, deny, deny only goes so far, but if the person knows for sure that you are lying, then you look even worse for lying - which I've seen you do quite a number of times.
I hope you take this as suggestions and not me bitching at you or something. I did love you and I still might love you but right now I'm too hurt to even think about it. I just want to say I don't and hopefully that feeling comes back. Knowing you I know you aren't going to fight me on it or anything, so it's all on me, like usual. We had some good times Jamie, I'll never forget them, and hopefully you don't either.
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