We've been together since 1989
The term "other half" is an over-used cliche, except when it is not. This is not a love story, though there is a lot of love in the story.
My daughter is entering the world of relationships and having parents with a bond like ours is not easy for her. When it comes to matters of the heart there are no rules. I believe each of our souls has their own lessons to learn in our human lifetimes, in our skin suits.
I married in 1994, mainly for the reason that white South Africans feared all hell would break loose after the first black government (ANC) came into power. We had vague plans to emigrate to Mauritius (my husband's birthplace) if the situation in the country got too bad. Well, we got Nelson Mandela and the rest is history.
Now that I'm older, I would not encourage children to marry. (I also have two younger boys.) Why should there have to be a piece of paper to legitimise love. This also makes practical sense when the high divorce rate is considered. If you have a serious relationship and cohabit, draw up a legal contract to ensure fair financial terms, during, and for after the relationship, if children are involved. Stay together and revel in your love while you have it (and it might well be forever). I don't say leave at the first sign of problems, every enduring love is regularly tested, and love, like a business, must be worked at.
I am never jealous
You only have to look around to realise that most people don't stay together forever. I've been with my partner for over 27 years (gasp). I don't take it for granted that he is "my property". He is free at any stage to make other life choices. He does not wear a wedding ring, neither do I. If I had to lose him I will be devastated, but I wish to be with someone who wants to be with me. We fear loss and grief, but they are undeniable facts of life. Jealousy is like feeling pain in advance of an event that might never happen.
What I do insist on
Both my daughter and my sons must be financially independent at all stages of their lives. Loss can happen in a heartbeat and only we can be responsible for our own paths, and be able to care for the children we create. My boys are young, but I constantly emphasise that they should only date independent women. (Or men, if that were to be their preference). Any of my children may experience one love (unlikely) many loves, or even no love. The most important thing is that they are satisfied and secure where they find themselves at any given moment, and if this is no longer the case, they must have the freedom, and the guts to move on.
Weddings are ridiculously expensive
I have an issue with expensive weddings. Personally I regard them as an over the top act of consumerism. If that is what you want and you have the money it is your choice, and not up to me to judge. My problem with weddings is that families often take on debt for an event that is held more to impress family and friends than anything else. My husband and I decided to get married in court, and held a small get together in our backyard. I have never felt cheated!
Our reason for existence is love, but love can only be felt. Never grasped.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I will end off with this silly photo of our car, already pretty ugly, after the myriad of cousins got to it!
So great! I loved your story and the conclusions/goals you reached.
I don't wear a wedding ring either. Whoever asks me why, I say " I'm not afraid to say I have a wife". If ever a situation seems to get weird you need to stand by what you want. If you love your wife, FOB off everyone else.
My wife always told me that if I don't want to be in this anymore, I can simply go. Obviously both would be devastated if something like that happen but it's this sort of security in a relationship that dissolves any type of jealousy.
I couldn't agree more. Our relationships have lasted (through blood and tears sometimes) but this should NOT be dictated by law.
Your love story and relationship sounds much like mine with @steemed-open. Bravo!
Isn't it the BEST :)
Feel the same way, we can overcome this initial feeling a jealously, and be much happier for it. I think open relationships/polyamory or whatever you'd like to call the potential for a freedom in love is a taboo topic. I'd hope to see some progress in the general publics minds over the next decade.
It is a taboo topic, and for that reason should definitely be discussed. It would not be for me, but my life choice should in no way have any affect on someone else's way of life, as long as everyone involved is respected and happy. We do need to be more open!
Totally agree with your opinion!
No one is anyones property. You should be together for love and dont need any paper or wedding rings!
Glad to have people here with the same opinion!
Thank you @soldier :)