Compromising in your relationship carries an intrinsic value which can later be traded to the advantage of the party which lies in credit at the time of the next compromise, yes I'm once again taking the perspective that relationships are each the products of their own economy.
For the purpose of this blog post we will be referring to relationship commodity (currency) as "Sheeba"
So when should you compromise?
I'm not going to tell you the right time to compromise in your relationship, what I can tell you is that I always try to take a pragmatic & logical approach to my challenges in life and compromise was one challenge that required some analysis.
In my previous relationships I would work on the basic principle of give and take, so something along the lines of I do the dishes tonight if you do the dishes tomorrow night.
It's my turn to wash the car or drive, "we visited your mom 2 weeks ago, I'm not going..." any of these sound familiar at all? So I'd play the give and take game and for the most part this works, it's relatively easy to manage as long as you can keep a rough idea of where you both stand and there is some sort of balance of sheeba in the economy of your relationship.
The Problem with Give and Take Compromising
Once of my pitfalls is that my memory isn't great, I mean I can retain stuff but I find it difficult to keep track of who did what last, when and for how long, So when I was constantly reminded that it was my turn to compromise at pretty much any discussions that required compromise I found I was left with very little sheeba in the account, it felt like every time I tried to cash in some sheeba there just wasn't enough to afford even the most basic of compromises? Surely I was doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship, I mean I wasn't seeing my friends regularly, I wasn't partying or going to bed late, I was cooking most of the time and taking out the trash? so what gives?
I don't have to tell you that give and take compromising doesn't come without any flaws, so after repeating the same mistakes in several relationships and landing the woman of my dreams I decided to rethink this system and design a new compromising system where both parties can benefit and that fits really well with my gold fish like memory span.
The Big Investors Compromising Ground rules
Sit her down and tell her that you want to try a new system, in this new system of compromise 90% of the small decisions in this relationship you going to leave up to her, basically anything you don't feel particularly strongly about you want her to make the final decision, you are happy to give your opinion if she wants it but the decision will always be hers except for 10% of the time.
The 10% of decisions belong to you, these are decisions that you feel very strongly about, decisions that go against your beliefs, your comforts and your sanity, these decisions you will call out and take ownership of, you have the power to decide what these decisions are, be careful though, I want to make it very clear that this will not work if you feel very strongly about laying on the sofa all day.
What I learned from previous relationships was that most of the stuff I was cashing in sheeba on were these small and somewhat menial things like, my choice of movie or restaurants, my turn to sit on the couch all night and wait for dinner to be served, my turn to decide on where we go on holiday this year, in the grand scheme of things this wasn't really much compromise because did I really care what movie we watched or where we went on holiday? No. Absolutely not, all I was really doing by deciding these things was cashing in on that sweet sweet relationship sheeba, and when I wanted to make a withdrawal on something very important to me, I was broke. the ATM was empty.
Go Earn Yourself Some Sheeba!
So here's the plan, don't be a lazy git! get your ass off that sofa and do some hard graft to make your woman happy, go take out the trash every day, it takes like 5 min, clean the dishes whenever you see them dirty, whenever she asks asks you for something say "yes maam, thank you man", think of it this way, any tasks you would be doing if you were to live alone without your special someone are the things you should be doing everyday without fail so pretend for 30-60m a day that she does not live with you and get going.
If she mentions something like "I'm a little thirsty" jump up and get the woman a glass of water immediately, trust me on this! If you want some extra credits swing by the supermarket and pick up a bunch of flowers, they cost a fiva, do it twice per month and it sets you back a tena a month, totally worth it (think of it as if you were investing in a cryptocurrency). tell her she's beautiful everyday and mean it, when she complains about someone at work who you have never and probably will never meet take her side, just do it, who cares if she's right or wrong.
Time to pay the piper.
The day will come when you head to the figurative ATM and cash in and this is gonna be a doozy, its that one day where you've had a really hard week at work, she's already told her mom that you'll both be coming over for dinner Friday night, but you just feel so exhausted that you just cant stand the thought of spending the whole night with the in laws (my in laws are great by the way) and you going to very carefully tell her that you don't want to go.
This can go 1 of 2 ways, either you haven't built up enough sheeba over the last couple weeks doing all the above I've mentioned, or you have been making meaningless withdrawals here and there. You are going to that Dinner! The account doesn't have enough sheeba to cover leaving her alone with her parents for one night
OR...
You have been a trooper, you have done your best to let her be happy, you've surprised her several times with flowers, she's falling head over heals in love with you again because you haven't complained or made a withdrawal of sheeba in ages, she's going to smile and and tell you that she'll cancel with her folks... or better yet, she might even go to her folks and just let them know you weren't feeling well. Yes, the whole house to yourself for the entire evening, and you deserve it man! You can crack open that Friday night beer, put the game on the telly, grab your laptop and follow that guy that gave you this awesome advice coz now you're in control.
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