There are really two sides to the divorce process; the human emotional side and the formal legal side. Marriages end in divorce for many reasons including infidelity, abuse, and lack of intimacy. When marriages end, couple’s lives change for better or worse; this could mean significant adjustments for them. It is common for people who divorce to experience psychological states such sense of failure, loneliness, and sadness. Different coping strategies and skills are appropriate to address each of these aspects of divorce. The truth is that there are probably a million reasons for his or her departure, but the one you choose to believe will set the tone for your perspective, attitude, and experience going forward.
For example, it’s typically easier to digest the idea that you and your partner “grew apart” than it is to consider the possibility that he or she fell out of love with you. The first reason is practical and plausible; the latter can be a devastating blow to the heart and ego.
Emotional Coping
Divorce can trigger all sorts of unsettling, uncomfortable and frightening feelings, thoughts and emotions, including grief, loneliness, depression, despair, guilt, frustration, anxiety, anger, and devastation, to name a few. The end of a marriage is particularly painful for persons who do not expect or want it. It is even more problematic when this sense of loss is combined with hostile and tense interactions between divorced spouses. The result could be psychological effects including depression, lowered self-esteem and loss of a sense of identity. There is frequently sadness and grief at the thought of the end of a significant.
As hard as it is, try not to take this personally. Remember that people fall in and out of love all the time, and you probably don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love you deeply anyway. Heal your ego and your heart first, and then see where you stand with your emotions. The psychological effects of divorce on women are far-reaching, but one of the most basic emotions is guilt. This can be true if the woman initiated the divorce or not. Women in both situations may feel at fault for not working hard enough to make the marriage work, explains life coach Cindy Holbrook on her website for divorced women. If the woman initiated divorce, she may feel a sense of guilt for the demise of the marriage. This is especially true if there are children involved as women may feel as though they are responsible for breaking up a family and causing emotional trauma. If your spouse is the one deciding on divorce, you may not be able to stop him or her through current divorce laws. However, you can try to persuade your spouse to consider a legal separation first, which would give you both more time to consider the issue.
Pray that God will open the lines of communication between you and your spouse and that He will restore the love in your relationship. And pray for patience and a forgiving spirit. Try to resist the temptation to say angry words to your spouse or do things that would push him or her further away. Restoration does occur even in the most hostile circumstances, but it is more difficult when harsh words have passed between you.