This is definitely a very interesting way of looking at things. I love the thought that God might be there, and is a shithead (as opposed to the overdone "is he or isn't he" argument), it's got great promise for a story, I should think.
I think it's exactly this sort of guttural pain you describe that drives our need for religion, in the first place. We're desperate to believe someone out there's got a plan, and that if we personally fuck up, it won't be so bad. That being said, I also think a planet among millions hurtling through chaos, unobserved, and uncared for is just as full of possibility. So who knows?
But I also think human beings are the only ones capable of properly resisting god.
That's always been my view of it, as well. A lot of people seem to figure why have kids, since you might be condemning them to a shitty world? Well yeah, but what if it's precisely your kid who figures out a way to get us out of this mess? It's optimistic as hell, I know, but technically...possible.
I'm glad you've reached some sort of peace, my friend.