The Superbowl in Minneapolis Part 2

in #satire7 years ago

20180127_170536.jpg
star tribune

Without food and beer, what would the Superbowl look like? It would look like a bunch of large men showering together and not much else.

The beer tankers began arriving before dawn. Convoys plugged the streets the way a life of serious beer drinking plugs arteries:

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dawn.com

Estimates suggest that enough beer will be consumed in the next seven days that the Mississippi River will turn rancid with urine froth from Iowa to the Gulf of Mexico.

The food also takes up entire neighborhoods:

Australia_sale of cattle blocked.jpg
aplf.com

Tomorrow, these cattle herds will be driven into US Bank Stadium, butchered on the field, and ground into hamburger for the nearly 1 billion patties it will take to satiate the Superbowl's many visitors.

I am told that the grounds crew will have the grass hosed clean by game time. However, this activity is closed to the general public so I will not get coverage of the slaughter. Instead, I will be at cheerleader check-in over at the Radison Hotel.

Until then, thank you.

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Wow, that's a lot of beer! That'll make the price of tickets worth it!