SWJ Needs Help!

in #satire8 years ago

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I'm a pre-cancer, pre-HIV survivor that suffers from PSTD, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Schizophrenia. Naturally, I suffer from chronic pain and severe bouts of depression. I've survived suicide 13 times, only to contract the zika virus in a subway bathroom. I'm constantly victimized and oppressed because I'm Black-Gay-Intersexed-Transgender-Jew. I have no hope, no prospects and life sucks. I can't kill myself, because I've tried and failed. I can't get anyone to kill me, because of my conditions they don't want to catch anything. I've recently lost my hands and feet to leprosy, and had to type this out with a really old pencil in my mouth. Which incidentally gave me lead poisoning. After my recent fall into a box of mercury thermometers, I've had issues standing on my head while trying to pee. So, if you don't donate any money to my cause, I'm afraid my pneumonia will flare up into pussing sores again, and my ebola will be contagious.

I need money for a new PS4, a Mac Pro (12 core fully loaded, of course), 110" 4k OLED TV, Bang & Olfsen BeoSound System, Tesla Model X and some band aids. Oh, and a place to stay... I'm not working right now, because of all the oppression and stuff, so I can't really pay rent or any of those things. But if you have a fully furnished, spare high rise condo that you aren't using, that'd be great. Yeah... thanks. You guys are soooo amazing!

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good shit, im following now.