great post! I feel exactly the same way, although I don't have a sciencific prove behind me. I just notice how deeply the patterns of my parents are rooted inside myself and how I am copying her gestures. I become more and more aware. And I became more aware now what I pass to my daughter also. The change indeed is possible and we can stop all this circle, but it is so hard... I try so hard to be conscious of my actions and the imprint that will mark my kid forever, but somehow I am trapped into the stress shouting and etc. The genetically inheritance is much more powerful then the rational mind. And we just copy this behaviors since we are a babies.
And the hardest part is not blaming the parents for "the traumas they passed on". I am also in this point of my life - forgiving my mum and understanding her and be grateful with what I am...
I forgave my family as well, but to change I had to leave them as they are still stuck in the cycle of abuse and enabling predators. I yelled just like my Mom and I was able to change that but it was difficult, little steps taken every day and being aware of when I triggered. Vipassana meditation connected me back to my and I used my sensations as the key to breaking very deep old conditioned responses caused by trauma. There is cognitive therapies that use sensation as well...something to look into!
i did a vipassana course just before i got pregnant. it was the hardest thing in my life and i believe i will never do it again. to just sit and do nothing it was cruel for me. but i managed to stay still 11 days and this gave me a big dose of self esteem thinking that i could do anything i want, even moving mountains in the world :) but never again i go into that torture! :))
I have all sorts of experience from extreme bliss, boredom, horrible pain and after 3 or 4 retreats of cycling through all that extreme sensation my physical sensations evened out and I could sit with ease no matter what was going on in my head. There was a lot going on too! But after 5 more retreats my mind calmed down to and setting was easy no matter what happened. So from what I've experienced one cannot base their first experience on what the next one will be. But you have been introduced to metta and a seed has been planted...never say never ;-) hahaha <3
i did after meditate for one hour a long time. now i just quit meditating. i prefer to dance. somehow it has the same effect on myself, but suits me more - is a less boring method to give a restart button for the mind :))
I read there are 84,000 gates that lead out of Samsara and only 5% have been translated into English or other Modern languages .... So I am sure there is methods like Khaita Joyful Dances that are fine gates to leave the painful grasping at the flux of phenomena!
My practice with vipassana was basic concentration to move onto other methods that need steady concentration that isn't moved by mind and body sensations. So basic vipassana is like 101 course work for learning to control the mind for certain types of people like me.