I like your storyline.
Is this a short story or a first chapter? I see where it could grow into a novel.
Some excellent writers hang out there, and you may find some great advice too!Don't get discouraged; you haven't been discovered here yet. I recommend using the tagline story-mentor hosted by @mechelle.gent.
With content like this, you will do well here. Persevere, my friend, you have talent.
CARRY ON!
Sorry for the tardy reply. It's a background story for a series of novels I plan to write after I finish my current series.