Written by: me
Scene 1:
Present Day, Downtown Brooklyn. Interior - Jazz’s apartment. The bamboo venetian blinds secrete faint traces of sunlight, dimly illuminating a scene of rustic furniture laid atop a wooden floor. There’s a knock on the door and shortly following, a woman, in her late 20s, emerges from behind a bedroom door. As she nears the door, a man opens and enters.
JAZZ
(Looking up lazily at Mike)
Hey big head! What’s up?
MIKE
Hey smurf
JAZZ
(Sassy)
Um, excuse me? Do you live here?
MIKE
Maybe if you kept enough food I would
JAZZ
I do, for me.
MIKE
Black folk; only thinking about themselves and neglecting the poor and hungry.
JAZZ
(Laughs)
Whatever Black man, you’re far removed from any of those things. Ugh, I gotta get up soon so I can get ready.
MIKE
(Shaking his head)
You’re never ready. Where’s the remote?
JAZZ
Where I left it.
MIKE
(Looks around for the remote)
Yeah, that helps.
JAZZ
It’s over by the books. You know those things you have a hard time opening.
MIKE
Aaand you’re about a week out from Hooked on Phonics, the audio version, no?
JAZZ
(Laughs)
Whatever, don’t judge me.
EXITS STAGE RIGHT
(Mike turns on the TV)
MIKE
Hurry up or you’ll be late again smurf.
(Goes back to eating his serial)
JAZZ
[off-screen]
Beauty cannot be rushed Mr. Man.
MIKE
Can’t be seen either.
(Chuckles to himself)
JAZZ
I heard that.
MIKE
I know. Are you ready yet?
JAZZ
It’s only been like 5 seconds from the last time you asked.
MIKE
Yea yea, so what’s up with boss lady? Still stressing you?
JAZZ
When isn’t she?
MIKE
I suppose not breaking your consecutive lateness streak doesn’t help.
JAZZ
It’s not me. They need to adjust the schedule or something.Maybe a 10 to 4 deal.
MIKE
Sorry scrap, we’re in the United States of this America, not Europe.
JAZZ
Yea yea, don’t go killing my dreams
Mike exits left -- OS
MIKE
Hey, you’re running low on OJ again.
JAZZ
I know. Somebody keeps drinking it all up every time they come over.
MIKE
That’s the worst, I don’t like people like that.
JAZZ
Then you must not like yourself very much punk.
MIKE
Nonsense, have you met me? I’m very likable.
JAZZ
Whatever helps you sleep at night. What time is it?
MIKE
Time to go.
JAZZ
Okay. Now look at that round thing on the wall with the big hand and the little hand, and if that’s proving a tad bit difficult for you, you can always read the numbers on the cable box - starting from the left. Okay schweety
MIKE
Oh ok, I see it; looks like it’s late thirty.
JAZZ
Come on, stop playing.
MIKE
You first. It’s 8:20
JAZZ
You looked at the cable box didn’t you?
MIKE
Judgement free zone, remember.
Jazz re-enters stage dressed in a camisole and boy shorts
Jazz! Really!?
JAZZ
What? I’m hungry.
MIKE
Yeah and still half nekkid. You know we can stop and get something to eat on the way right?
JAZZ
Uh uh, I don’t have money for no $10 gourmet bagel slapped with 1/2 pound of cream cheese. Can’t even taste the bagel after that.
MIKE
(laughs)
Who does, remember when $10 got you breakfast and lunch?
JAZZ
Oh yes, (sigh) the good old days. Things were much simpler then. Now you have all this gentrification BS that comes with these little niche cafes and lounges that charge $4.50 for fresh squeezed lemonade. I guess you gotta find a way to pay for the ambience, but damn. You could miss me with that.
MIKE
You ain’t never lie. I’m about to start claiming coffee as a business expense.
JAZZ
Only you.
MIKE
Don’t act like you wouldn’t do it too.
Jazz exits stage left - Mike flicks through the channels (sound effect) - then Jazz re-enters stage left with something to eat and sits next to Mike, who stares at her until she notices
Really?
JAZZ
What? I’m practically done.
MIKE
OK. So go throw on some shoes and let’s roll.
JAZZ
Geez, DJ RushMeMuch
(She begins to get up)
Give me 5.
MIKE
Minutes. Not days.
Jazz re-enters from stage right dressed
You going to work or happy hour?
JAZZ
Um, both. You’re still coming right?
MIKE
And where are you going?
JAZZ
We, Francois, we...c’mon Mike, I told you last week that is was Trisha’s birthday and we’re going out after work. I already told her you were coming through.
MIKE
Ah man, that’s today?
JAZZ
Yes. It is. What’s up with men and dates?
MIKE
Word right.
JAZZ
Listen Black man you’re going. You said yes and I already said you were going.
MIKE
Yes mom.
JAZZ
Good. Now be a dear and tell mommy how she looks.
MIKE
Confused. Why don’t you put on one of your other 20 white shirts? I don’t like this one.
JAZZ
Aww, him care how I look.
MIKE
Actually no. People are going to see us together. I can’t have you bringing me down looking the way you do.
JAZZ
You’re an ass. Give me 2 more minutes.
Jazz exits stage right
[OS]
What time is it?
MIKE
About 20 minutes from the last time you asked for 5 minutes.
JAZZ
Ok, I’m coming.
Jazz enters stage right
MIKE
Very nice. Now you look like Ms. Jackson, before you were just Janet.
JAZZ
Well thank you Mr. Dupree.
MIKE
Wow, you’re just going to demote my whole stature like I do playdates with 3rd graders?
JAZZ
Hey, you asked for it...seen my keys
(Jazz is looking around)
MIKE
You have got to be, the world’s first only official serial key-displacer.
(Mike dangles the spare keys he used to open the door earlier; he tosses them to her and they begin to exit stage)
What would you do without me C’mon, let’s get out of here
(Sound of keys rattling and the door locks -- Remaining dialogue is off screen)
Keys please
JAZZ
What if I gotta come back home or something?
MIKE
For what exactly, to change again?
JAZZ
No smartass, and they're my keys.
MIKE
And with that said, I’ll take these. Thank you. Mess around and we both get locked out. Besides, I’m taking you home anyway.
JAZZ
You wish.
(Footsteps)
[to be continued...]
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