Thank you for this amazing post. It's a pain, encapsulated in words. Thank you for letting me see you without armor. I thought that you are a local celebrity. I thought that you are too proud, and intoxicated with success and wealth. But now I saw you as a person. Your pain is close to me. Because I know a lot of pain in my life. Your message touched my heart. So I'm writing this review. I feel your inner strength. You are able to rise above the pain and move on. Why? Because you are able to let go of your attachment.
When I love someone when I feel a strong admiration from contact with something, I feel like an invisible thread begins to tie me to that person or thing. And now, if a person starts to distance themselves, I feel that the thread tugs my heart. And I feel the pain because of this.
For me it's always a matter of life and death. I feel I can't live without love even for a moment. I don't understand at all why live if not to love. And often the honest answer is: because too much pain. I hope that I can love and be happy. I need to find an object that is not going to be changed by the world. It is difficult but possible. I sincerely wish you find true love and be happy. You are very brave and deserve to live, not burying your heart under the armor. Good luck and love!
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"when I feel a strong admiration from contact with something, I feel like an invisible thread begins to tie me to that person or thing." I know exactly what you mean. No, I am not a celebrity or anything like that. On the contrary, I work hard, am a single mother and have a lot of responsibilities. I've been extremely poor, mostly starting when I became a single mother. I am in fact two people right now: breadwinner and mother. I have had to become these two roles and I am not going to lie, I am tired. I was never quite willing to sell my soul though to make a living and my illness of about 2 years ago taught me a lesson: I cannot exist within a greedy corporate environment and come out alive. My poverty of several years thrust me into desperation and in that desperation, I got a job selling Toyotas at a car dealership. That job relieved my financial worry, but I became ill, all the time. My health deteriorated while my pocketbook flourished. I ended up with pneumonia that lasted half a year. But what sealed it for me was when my child looked up at me one night after I did a 10 hour shift and said, "Mom, I don't even know who you are anymore. You're never here." I quit that car dealership job right after that.
I thank you again. You did not dismiss my comment. As if it was a hindrance. As annoying fly, which sticks to something big and nice. Thank you for taking the time to write your answer. The ability of sincere conversation attracts me very much.
I don't know your life in details, but I think, i feel your spirit. I think that you have intimate contact with your subconscious.
You are a very wise person, you try to find your own path among the many painful circumstances. That is a real power of your soul. You sincerely looking for an answers and one day you will find them. I hate liers. I hate cowards. And I see that you're not any one of them. Because you continue to fight. Many people will betray themselves, because they are afraid of unknown areas of their personality. I believe you will be happy and full of love.
And you will tell a wonderful story about it. To all of us.
Good luck!
Wow... I wound up at corporate and am currently in the middle of this experience. Not one of my favorites, as life experiences go.