My parents were alcoholics, they beat me, and yet i saved my mom's life twice.
I will tell you how it all began.....
It has been going on for over 10 years, since i was 7 or 8 years old.
My parents were self-employed, hard working normal people. They did not have much time to socialize with other people or friends. Well, they had many friends, but not really anyone like "best friends," just some people they knew for a long time or work colleagues.
When i was about 8 years old, instead of meeting friends or going somewhere on Saturday evenings they used to sit down in the kitchen and drink a couple of wine bottles.
At the time it seemed innocent, as it did no harm and I used to get sweets or ice cream when dad went shopping to get some wine. A few years went past like this and they spent every Saturday night this, getting drunk.
And then suddenly something changed, instead of drinking wine they started drinking stronger drinks such as vodka or whiskey, the same two bottles on Saturday evening.
There was a very big difference and they started getting really smashed.
And then when i was around 10 or 11 years old it the nightmare began.
On Saturday evenings, once they started to get drunk, they started shouting at each other for hours. Imagine a kid of 10 sitting at home and not being able to sleep and having to listen to parents scream until 3-4 am in the morning.
Every time i was covered in tears, and yet when they got too drunk and went to sleep, I was the one to go and clean the kitchen, make tea for my mom because she used to have terrible hangovers. (Just because I loved them so much, not because I had to). The worst thing was that next day when they woke up, it was like nothing happened. They talked to each other in a normal way and pretended that I wasn't at home.
(but i was and everything was carved out in my kid's heart)
Then another couple years passed like this every Saturday, and a few more things changed. They started drinking in the middle of the week and again on Saturday. Since they were self-employed they could allow themselves not to go to work next day.
One day I came back from school on Thursday afternoon, (they were drinking most of the night), I found the most terrifying thing in my life.
My mom was hanging in the wardrobe with my dad's tie around her neck.
I really thought she was dead at that time. I jumped, lifted her up (as my mom weight only 55kg) took her out of my dad's tie and i saw her breathing.
I did that just in a matter of seconds. After few minutes she stood up and went to bed without saying a word.
I was in shock for hours, but my dad was nowhere to be found. He came back home few hours later apparently as he had gone fishing. I explained to him what happened and he just hugged me and said, "I'm sorry."
Nobody ever spoke about this ever again. Drinking did not stop with this, it just kept getting worse and worse as they started fighting each other after getting too drunk.
I was around 14 years old at that time, and could not sit in my room pretending nothing was happening. One evening I heard mom screaming and sounded like "bum bum".
I ran into the kitchen, saw my mom lying on the floor and dad on top of her beating and smashing her to a pulp.
I pushed him away from her and tried to hold him, but he was all raging so he pushed me into the corner. I fell down, and he started kicking me in my head. I covered myself and he soon stopped. After he calmed down, he took my drunk mother and they both went to bed. Both of them couldn't remember what happened that night.
I wasn't badly hurt physically, but mentally I was hurt terribly, as this was the 1st time my dad beat me.
The same year I saved my mom's life again. There was some kind of parade going on in the city. I was out with some friends and my parents were drinking as usual. I did not wanted to go out, but did just so I wouldn't have to stay at home.
I came back late in the evening, and as soon i opened the door, my mom was lying on the floor, and the floor was all covered in blood.
I panicked. Without knowing what to do to or if I should move her or not, I tried to wake up my dad up and shouted at him, but he was too drunk. Then I realized she hit her head on something sharp in the corner, as her head was next to it and the blood was around her head. I grabbed a big towel put it under her head, and called an ambulance. When the ambulance arrived, I went together with my mom, the doctors sewed her head back together and after spending all night with her. they did let us go.
My mom in the morning was't drunk anymore yet this time she remembered as she cried with me and apologized to me for hundreds of times.
After this they both stopped drinking for a month or two. And once it was all forgotten, it started all over.
There was so many sleepless nights for me.
When I turned 18 year old, I left my parent's house. I just could not bear this any longer.
Don't think I hate my parents as I love them more than anyone else in this world.
Maybe due to this I haven't touched alcohol, and I mean never touched it.
Now since they are older and my mom has cancer, they quit drinking and live a happy life (well as much as possible considering my mom's situation). This may be caused by alcohol, but no one can confirm this, and i am very sad for her.
This is part of my story as there is a lot more during those years, but this is what i wanted to share with you.
-Secret Writer
Note: All gifs are from giphy.com. I have sent an inquiry to them asking specifically for permission to use these gifs for the Secret Writer project. When they reply with a concrete answer, I will know for sure if the copyright extends to this usage. In the case that it does not, I will re-craft all the stories with new images.
These type of memories is why I don't drink very much either. Probably because I'm scared of what I might do. Or not do. The memories of childhood and drinking parents are mostly blurry, mostly because I don't want to think about those kind of things. The ones that are vivid are the worst of the memories. I deal with them now. It doesn't affect me on a daily basis, but for sure shaped who I am today, good and bad. I work on the bad parts daily.
It is funny, (and I had to read the story twice to confirm), but I was reading the story assuming the writer was a female. The story doesn't indicate. Maybe because the gif's were female. Maybe because I didn't want them to be male. Who knows. Anyway, here's hoping that the writer gets the demons out, and let's the love in.
Dear Secret Writer,
You are like an angel child and you deserve really good things. This one broke me and I cannot imagine the kind of strength you must possess. I hope your life now is happy and full of good things. You are the definition of antifragile. You are an inspiration.
Not many people think about someone before they connect with them, or realize that everyone is different and everyone's story might be different. Some times it could even be something we could never imagine in our own lives of happening, that's why you gotta treat everyone the same way you'd wanna be treated by strangers.
Nice story.. For ur note.. I like ur permission.. Keep up ur great story
Alcohol, the socially acceptable poison that makes you do stupid things that you may regret later, if you remember. We live in an upside down society with borked values. Thanks for sharing.
Alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs and its legal
Great post, you absolutely "nailed" it, I'm not certain if society really understands the damage alcohol can and is doing; it affects us all either socially, physically, emotionally and mentally.
You have to consider it is as dangerous as most narcotics, I'm a firm believer if it wasn't as ingrained in our society as it currently is, it wouldn't take long for it to be treated as a dangerous banned substance!!
Thank you for sharing.
Alcoholism becomes one big deal of a situation to break away from when one finds himself in and finds no one to help him out. The stigma attached to such fellow especially in my country is enough to "kill you".
That is just awful! Substance abuse ruins more than just the abuser's life...
on a side note, I have some interesting stories to share as well... follow me @jrcornel if would like to hear them :)
I am thankful for your honesty... alcohol is the worst drug they could "legalise", thats why they give it to us
I dont drink alcohol since 9 years and Im very happy with that! Sad it is a legal drug very easy to get for everybody, even kids :(
My grandmother drank a lot, drunk and chased us with a knife, you know..
Thank for posting this, thus raising awareness
Alcoholism is truly sickening, i got my fair share of it too, but the think is that people should stand up against the alcoholics.
You don't just let them drink themselves to death, convince them, stand up against them, and send them to therapy. They are sick and need medical attention, just like with any other disease.
Yes but it is almost impossible to do that if they don't want it. You can't force someone to get treatment for alcoholism. Although I agree it is a kind of mental illness the law in most countries doesn't treat it the same way.
You have to persuade them somehow, they are destructive for themselves and for everyone around them.
I know. You have to keep trying until they see the truth. I can understand how some people just give up though because of sheer frustration.
Persuade them, get them out of their comfort zone. You have to get to them some way, non-violent of course.
Perhaps show them some horror stories what happens to alcoholics, make them see with their own eyes , because they don't comprehend the destruction they bring.
And then maybe out of fear of ilness they might change their habits. Getting liver disease is not a joke, and it might discourage them in the future.
Put on a positive side, do not copy your parent's habits but love them for being your parents and forgive them too, even with the negativity, there is always a beautiful side of life. Weldone
exellent reading as always
I like ur story @stellabelle
Regarding you mum, you find wish to read this headline mainstream media story from only a fortnight ago: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/alcohol-cancer-seven-types-study-finds-7148321.html
For every problem there is a solution. AA for your parents, and have you ever tried Al-Anon for yourself? There is usually at least one group in every larger town. There are even online support meetings now. I speak from experience, it is good to talk.
Your article is perhaps a first step in that direction, to help yourself regain your own identity and life. I don't know of course, but your story sounds like a cry for help, for some anonymous feedback.
Alcoholism IS a documented medical illness, on every level: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Your parents were very very ill, not bad, people. That can be hard to accept. The not talking about it the next day, acting as if every thing was normal, very likely 'blackouts' where they really didn't remember a thing for the previous night.
I hope you find some Peace for yourself, and forgiveness for your parents too.
I love a person with alcoholism. I hate how it destroys everything, everything, and everyone. And when they try to stop, and the first few times you think "oh, good, it will all be better now," but they invariably start drinking again. And after awhile, they tell you they're going to quit and you just don't believe them. And you feel bad for not believing them, because you want to support them. You love them and want them to get better. But you can't believe them because they have gone back on their word so many times before. And you want to help them, but at the same time you want to leave them and never have to deal with their shit again. But they won't or can't accept your help, and you can't leave them because of the crushing guilt you would feel...and besides, you would miss them. I feel you. :(