Many of us have experienced this "gut wrenching" feeling of betrayal - I don't think anyone is likely to have escaped it. It has happened to me to.
Few feelings can compare to it. When you feel like you have given everything to another person in a relationship it makes you feel like your whole world is falling apart. Like everything you knew was wrong and it all changed in one moment. All those dreams and that future you envisioned cracks and crumbles and turns to dust.
Everything seems to turn to black. It can feel like your life is over and you feel completely lost - like a little rowing boat that has lost it's moorings and drifted out into a storm at sea.
I do know that some people and some couples can get over it. I do sympathise with the writer though.
Sometimes you just can't. The hurt is too much and you don't think you can trust the person ever again. I can certainly sympathise with the idea that it might have been better for them both if she had never revealed the infidelity.
I now people might think that is a terrible point of view but if she truly meant that it was not going to happen again then it was probably best to just keep it secret.
She may have been trying to do the right thing but in actual fact it may have been the worst thing to do. Perhaps she was seeking to ease her own conscience by coming clean. I don't think a relationship should be built on secrets but if it was truly one moment of madness then ignorance can perhaps be bliss.
Anyway it's good that the writer was able to move on and maybe find some catharsis in sharing this.
Good insights. I am mixed about the secrets thing. I cheated on only one person in my entire life, and I had to confess it or else I would have gone nuts. Maybe if she only had one slip up, then perhaps you are right and she should have remained silent. But, I have noticed that if someone cheats once, it's likely to happen again. Not always, but it's common. I think the writer had a right to know. I wonder if she got together with her childhood romance. Sometimes it's truly bad to get attached at such a young age when people are wanting to discover themselves through relationships....younger people don't know who they are, and they find themselves through their connection with others. This helps form us as individuals. It sucks, though, to have that level of feeling, and then it be ripped from your life.
Yes I did mean if it was a true one-off. I can understand the needing to confess part - I think that drives a lot of us to confess these things. I have never cheated in a relationship but I just know even if there is a small incident where I have screwed up I end up having to confess for my own sanity and that is the point I was trying to make. It is often for the benefit of the confessor's conscience rather than as an act of duty to protect the other person.
There is no easy answer though. On the one hand one could use the argument that for a definite one-off indiscretion it is best for both people to forget about it. On the other it could be a sign that something is wrong in the relationship and that it might happen again. I think if the partner who cheated does understand that is wrong and has no intention to do it again then I could understand keeping the secret.
I still feel a bit conflicted about it because I think it is drummed into us from an early age that we should not keep secrets in these situations and that secrets are bad.
Unfortunately life is complex and things are rarely that black or white particularly when it comes to human relationships.
Yes I think when people are younger then you can almost forgive these kind of things more easily because they are still learning and inexperienced. The feelings and the sense of having your life ripped apart is just as intense though.
Great post though and good food for thought and discussion.
I was touched by you other than you as a writer but you also have high imagination. congrats @stellabelle
👍great story, very interesting @stellabelle