Cross-posted from Day 72- Stopping the People-Pleaser Character
The other day as I was preparing to go over to an acquaintance's house, something arose within me that told me unequivocally to "STOP! Don't go!" I could see this self-honest urge arise within me and yet, I allowed myself to go into backchat regarding going over to the person's house and suppressed the urge to offer an excuse as to why I couldn't go, even though I really needed the quiet night to rest.
Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not listen to my inner voice when going over to X’s, that told me to not go, because I wanted to please X by showing up, and not create conflict by telling them I wasn’t going to show up.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that, within that moment, I lost myself because I wanted to “be something for someone else”, instead of listening to my self-honest inner voice which told me not to go.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into immediate backchat when I self-honestly realized I should not go over to X&Y’s, that “I had already said I was going and in fact had driven all the way over to their house” and “this self-honest moment is infringing upon my stated plans”, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I had left my own sphere/lane/self and went into “what was expected of me”, and that THAT thought was the infringement, because being self-honest is always best for all/me, and compromising that for a singular thought is compromising ALL of me and ALL of self, to appease a single thought with some energetic charge that’s sole purpose is to seduce me. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that there was a positive energetic charge in “doing what was expected”/“not making conflict”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the positive energetic charge of pleasing another/others, without seeing, realizing, and understanding the nature of polarity inasmuch as this positive energetic charge was underpinned by the negative energetic charge of “disappointing others”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disappointing others as a learned behavior from my childhood where disobeying the authority figures in my life implied consequences being imposed upon me, so that I learned to disobey my self-honesty and compromise self for the sake of pleasing another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disobey my self-honesty for the purpose of pleasing another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what will happen to me if I do not compromise myself to please another.
In the case of going over to X&Y’s, I actually needed the rest and to not engage in socializing, but I compromise that and thus my own health simply to avoid conflict/please another.
Self-corrective statements
When and as I see myself think “I should do this thing because it will please another”, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that it is necessary to primarily look within and cross-reference with my own self-honesty if it is something that I don’t really want to do or if it isn’t what’s best for all.
When and as I see myself compromise my self-honesty to please another/avoid conflict, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that self-honesty is telling me what is best for self and that the backchat is attempting to lure me back into the energy of my subconscious as a personality construct, where I am playing the role of the people pleaser without considering my own needs/wants of, for example, needing rest for my physical body and self in my relationship with my mind and body.
When and as I see myself fear creating conflict by standing up as/for self, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this fear is simply a negative energetic charge of/as my People Pleaser personality that tricks me into gravitating towards the positive energetic charge of pleasing others without considering what is best for all life, always.
When and as I see myself drawn to the positive energetic charge of pleasing others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the positive energetic charge I get from apparently pleasing others is a momentary experience, and that when it passes, I am left with the rotten feeling of having compromised myself, not only in what I needed/wanted to do separate from the “people pleasing” behavior that I have now denied myself, but also in the simple fact that I mined my body for energy to experience that temporary energetic experience of “being a good friend” or “doing what I said I was going to do” within pleasing another, which has further consequences on my physical human body.
Self-commitments
I commit myself to flag for myself when I go into the mind as energy, beginning with a single thought as backchat, and to immediately breathe and stop the energetic experience.
I commit myself to, when and as I see myself engaging with the positive energy of the People Pleasing character, to stop and breathe.
I commit myself to check in with myself and ask myself if what I am getting ready to do is actually what is best for me in self-honesty and then,
I commit myself to do only what is best for all within the understanding and realization that this includes what is best for self