When I did my introduction I had mentioned that exploring human sexuality was a hobby of mine and that I would probably delve deep into it. To say I haven't is an understatement. I have done plenty of vlogs and discussed business but nothing on the sex front. So tonight we change that, tonight we get our hands dirty and we discuss non traditional monogamy and its place in society.
To me monogamy to often creates scenarios where to lie is to be king.
I know that is a bold statement and I've probably just offended a few people, but it is TRUE. Now before you sharpen your pitch forks and light your torches in a huff, let me explain my reasoning for such a statement. My reasoning is very simple
We lie to feel connected or to create a connection, we lie to keep that connection in some form or another and when it ends we lie about our feelings and what really went on. Take a second, think of a spouse, could be 15 years ago could be your current one. Now what was the first little white lie you told? We all do it, "oh I love that band" "no, no, I'm not angry, it's fine" are two that come to mind for me; et tu?
"But its just a little white lie, and it makes them happy." We have all heard it, shit I'm sure we have all said it. Some how the lies we once were punished for as children have become our day to day practices as adults. This coupled with the automatic granting of trust in a relationship creates a mine field of unnecessary bullshit that could end a 20+ year marriage just as fast it could end a 2 week relationship. Obviously one of those has learned to navigate a little better but the possibility is still there.
I have often found in ALT-Relationships that the honesty flows more freely:
Find someone sexually appealing? - Bring it up with your partner
Find that you have emotional attachments to a friend that isnt' considered 'normal'?- Bring it up with your partner
Would rather be the dominatrix in bed tonight? - Bring it up with your partner
Slept with someone? - Bring it up with your partner
Etc...
There are plenty of horror stories of people in non traditional relationships being lied to by someone in a monogamous relationship that ends exactly as you suspect it would, plenty of hurt feelings, trust broken, a lot of hatred, and good chance an STD has found a new home. "It probably came from the couple that sleeps around." Sorry but no, couples that engage in open sex with other people are shown to be more responsible about getting checked, using protection, and err on the side of caution. Lets face it folks if you are taking your genitals to an all you can fuck buffet you are going to make damn sure you are serving up high quality options.
So what about the couples that prove me wrong? Well there are exceptions to everything now isn't there? My little sister and her husband are a very happy monog couple that are open with each other about everything, while on the other hand I have friends that have been married over 6 years that are constantly causing each other headache (I just think they are REALLY into the make up sex tho.) I have known of poly groups that eventually dissolved into 1 on 1 relationships that worked out for everyone, and I've seen plenty implode.
So where is its place in society these "new" sub cultures that are becoming the 'norm.' Frankly they are not new ethical cheating has been a round a very long time, like many things it was just shoved into the shadows in the name of bullshit. It has taken away the pressures of the "one is all" that usually leads to healthier lasting relationships.
As always for reading ALL the way down here, this is a great suggestion for a look at ALT-Relationships:
Please leave any comments you might have for or against so we can discuss.
You used the term "non traditional monogamy." Is there a distinction between that and ethical non-monogamy?
Yes non traditional monogamy is more of an umbrella term, ethical non-monogamy is more specific for swingers or other types.
But if I understand your terminology correctly, nontraditional monogamy implies that there is a couple in an agreed-upon relationship model, and that the couple's relationship supersedes any outside "extracurricular activities" and/or relationships?
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