What is and why is so important The so call Desire?
Well, let's start by saying, The desire is what is actually pushing each other into converging towards each other.
So I guess this might be an important part of our relationship. Especially if you disagree with this you should keep reading my words.
As a man and by what I could hear from my friends and partners everyone loves to be desired when having sex or love as you wish to call it ( for my personal taste i prefer to call the act "union").
Let's think a little about why everyone enjoys being desired. Actually, in my honest opinion, this belongs on the control of the partner satisfaction. If desired we can give or deprive ourselves to the partner in order to achieve control over him/her pleasure.
At the same value, we find the acceptance of ourselves in proportion to the desire of our partner, this cause if him/her is desiring us so much is about our totality in that moment so we forget about our body imperfection or shyness.
I giving you an easy example,
A man thinks that he as a small penis.
His partner is declaring how much desire he/she experience by watching it and even beg's for it. You think this man will forget about his penis concerns? Definitely Yes.A girl thinks that her breast is small or has a strange shape, she is shy and usually avoid's to take off her bra.
Her partner will be kissing, licking and by words declaring how much he/she find's her breast exciting and "stimulant".
Do not you think that this girl will melt away forgetting her aesthetic uncertainties? At least for few minutes ? Yes YES definally YES.
So what's the point of this reflection?
Is to focus on one thing and you better write it down because is all about this in my honest opinion.
Our satisfaction wich directly proportional to the satisfaction of our partner
What does it mean?
Is a Game of two (usually, but for sure not minus of 2 not more that 100, if more you are not human)
So we need to pull each other into a union, we need to demolish the barriers, we must try to be as near as possible.
Even if is a one-night sex experience this doesn't matter, the point still, we can reach in one night what a married couple wasn't able to reach in 30 years.
How ?
Look at your partner, try to understand what he/her is thinking, enchant her/his desire and don't force the things let them happen, has Morpheus said "I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it." Now forget about Neo and Morpheus and think about this, show your partner the door, show him/her what's inside and let him/her cross the door.
Some Good "try to" things?
1.Make the partner feeling approved.
Talk to him/her and tell with few short words what you feel for him/her about his mind & body (talk about both but focus on the body wich usually is the problematic part even for top models).
2.Enchant your words.
Yes enchant and enlarge them, is not cheating and is not only for you, is for you partner mostly. You can say that she/he is the most beautiful in the world, the biggest breast, the biggest penis, everything permitted. Why? Your partner has no time to verify and think about your words, he/she will just enjoy them as you will if she/he will doing the same to you.
3.Use all your five senses
Yes, you have 5, not 2 Remind about it! Most people touch and watch during sex, wich is totally wrong, is like eating with a cold, everything is just less tasty. When you are falling into a sweet or passion embrace, smell, watch, taste, touch and hear your partner.
Focus on this, hear the breath going faster, the soft breaths in response to your actions, smell her/his perfume, of the skin, of the hair of the sweat. Touch him/her as if you were blind from the born, try to feel every groove every softness and hardness of the body that passes under your fingers.
And Catch with your eyes every movement she/he makes, do it with half-closed eyes, just cause you will able to watch and move apparently completely absorbed by passion. This will admit you to learn a lot from your partner and understand by her/his movements when he wishes or not something when he/she find it uncomfortable etcetera.
4.Ask for it but in the right way and with determination
You want to do something but you are uncertain about the reaction of the partner? First of all, forget the phrase "Is everything ok ?" Is what i expect from a mother to say if something falls on the ground making a loud noise. That question is just not good when related to sex. You want to do something and you feel like is a good idea to ask? Well do it but not without talking.
How ? With your eyes plus a slow movement that gives to your partner the time to block you if not consensual. What does it means? Example: You want to take off the bra of the girl sitting on you? You are kissing but she is an old style good girl So just make it slowly, start playing with her bra, make her intent that you are going to open it, from my experience is very common that the girl will pull it off by her self.
This is even applicable to anal sex or to every moment that you are "not sure" if you can or not, in a simple short way? Don't rush give your partner the time to understand what you are doing and without acting spineless, you reach your target like a gentleman/woman (applicable to women&men).
5. Secure the area
Where are you? In your house ? in the car? if you have any control of the environment take advantage from it.
Soft lights, some music if there is no background noise. Why ? Soft light are like Black/White for photography, everything is just beautiful if you cannot properly see it, the mind as autocomplete function for everything and it's like a books wich are for sure better than movie's just cause you can fill up details with your mind fully customized on your personal taste, so they are just perfect.
For the music, you might want hear her/him moan and maybe even loud? So make some noise on the background so he/her will feel more comfortable in an already broke silence.
Close the doors and ensure nobody can disturb you (just if you don't find this exciting by itself) more women than men are afraid to be interrupted by unwanted visitors, this will make them feel always on the razor's edge, secure the area from unwanted visitor and let your partner be relaxed.
I'm always afraid to talk to much since i'm probably affected by Verbal incontinence issue.
But since i was Fat and shy i had lot of time to think about this and actually, like bruce lee wich found to be improved after 1 year of just Imaginary combat. I did the same for almost 12 years + studies on even sexual expert and medics thesis.
For now That's All Folks Hope my word will help you and no worries, feel free to ask questions ! I'll be happy to answer!
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Your thoughts and advice here are excellent, thanks again for the post! Keep it up !