Well… the last few weeks have been quite a whirlwind.
Before I get into all of the things, thank you to everyone who commented or sent me discord DM’s after my initial post about mom. I haven’t been able to respond to everyone. Partly because things have been hectic. Partly, because it is so hard to find the words of appreciation for you all.
So, many thanks to:
Since mom’s passing life has been hectic… in good and hard ways.
The day after mom passed was my dad’s 81st birthday. Mom had so wanted to make it to all of our birthdays. 😪 We brought dad the most half-assed cupcakes on the day and his gift.
The next day we took dad out of lunch. It was the first time dad had been to a restaurant since before Covid. This was partly due to his roll as full time caregiver to mom, and partly because dad avoided places where he feared catching Covid and brining it home to mom.
He enjoyed being out again.
4th of July came and went… This is usually a holiday I really enjoy, but this year I spent the day writing mom’s obituary. In the evening instead of fireworks, I fell into an exhausted sleep. We did pop out mid day for just a little red, white & blue ambiance.
My husband went to Europe. My spouse works in aerospace manufacturing, and unfortunately had to meet with parts suppliers in Olm, Germany and another potential supplier in Milan, Italy. Right in the midst of mom stuff. In some ways it was Ok. It gave me time to focus 100% on dad and funeral planning. Plus, it gave hubs a minor reprieve from the emotional intensity of home. I got a couple of cool magnets from his trip.
I received so much sympathy schwag in the mail. Every piece was soooo appreciated. Cards, flowers, a candle a journal… I even received a USD check that came from hive donations made by many of you!
With the money from my friends in the silver gold stackers community, I purchased something so very special to me. My mom LOVED Christmas and collected so many holiday ornaments. One series she had collected for decades, was a yearly Hallmark keepsake ornament called “Frosty and Friends”. The series began in 1980. It depicts a little Eskimo child each year with a different polar animal doing something cute. Mom had every single one of these ornaments… except the 1980 release. It is expensive on eBay and very collectible. Thanks to many of you, I was able to purchase this ornament and will hang mom’s whole collection on my tree each year in her memory.
So more thanks to give here! You all are the very best. Thank you!
I planned mom’s funeral. Dad helped some. We bought mom’s spot in a nearby cemetery. I found and ordered an urn for her remains. We met with a priest at the church where my parents were married. I (though not religious) picked all of the readings, prayers and music for mom’s service. I designed and printed programs and “prayer cards” and organized food and flowers for mom’s post funeral reception.
We went to a Blink 182 concert. Months ago I bought pit tickets to see Blink 182 play the Gorge Amphitheater in Eastern Washington. They are one of my all time favorite bands. In an effort to embrace the joy of life, hubby and I went to the show. The weather was hot. The venue was beautiful, and I upgraded our tickets to get VIP lounge access. We were SO CLOSE to the stage. It was a fun and life affirming night.
On the way home from Blink, I MAYBE got a sign from mom. I am not religious, but I hope there is something after this life. You will often hear stories of people thinking their loved ones are showing them some sign of love from the other side. Maybe it is grandma sending butterflies, or your deceased friend’s favorite song playing everywhere, or maybe a rainbow appearing at just the right moment.
Before mom died I wanted us to pick something. So if I saw it I would know she was still with me. Her downturn came so quickly… we never picked a thing.
But on our drive home from Blink 182, my husband and I stopped at an antique mall/fruit stand in Thorpe, WA. As I was looking through the mall I came across a coffee mug. The mug had images of the Hallmark Frosty and Friends ornament on it! I am/was probably grasping at straws and coincidences. Regardless, we bought the mug.
July 17 was mom’s funeral. For being a sad day, it was also a perfect farewell for mom. 50 people attended mom’s service in person and another 10 or so watched online. Her service is on YouTube and has about 80 views. So… maybe some other folks watched too.
My cousins did Bible readings. Mom’s friend (and chaplain) read a poem mom specifically asked her to read. I did the Eulogy. After we had a big lunch in the church all and a graveside service at the cemetery.
I was really happy with the priest. Neither mom nor I are religious, but dad is Catholic. So the service was at a church. But the priest did a good job in comforting my family. He shared stories of God’s love and role in the complexities of life and loss in a non preachy way, and it was a warm and loving service. I am really thankful mom had such a beautiful farewell.
Three days post funeral I turned 50. We had BIG party at our house. It was fun and joy filled. My family all came. Friends from childhood, high school, college and work showed up. We played games and ate tons of food. The day was sunny and warm.
My husband also arranged for far away friends to send me video messages which he complied into one long video. It it included family in Australia, a friend in Bangkok, some guy who runs a shop in our town, the bass player from the band The Dirty Heads and the final message… was such a surprise I screamed in glee when I watched it. The VIDEO mostly made me cry happy tears, and I felt so loved.
I am back at work this week. Thankful to be working from home. Thankful I have a job that gave me almost a month of paid time off.
Friday will mark one month since mom passed. I am not sure how I am doing. Sometimes really sad, but also still enjoying life. I am glad to finally have a reprieve so I can sit in peace for a bit with my loss.
Thank you again to everyone who has been so supportive and loving… this last month and last 4.5 years. I appreciate you all. 🩷
It's a really tough thing to go through but it's the unfortunate realities of life, and I'm sure you know your stacker fam is here for you ❤️ !hiqvote
Well life continues and your mom would love to see you happy for sure! Nice concert! I have never been to a blink 182 concert!
Mom left me a note before she died (that dad gave me after) telling me she still wants me to find joy in life. So… working at that.
I LOVE Blink 182. We have seen them a bunch and I am always eager for the next show. 🙂
I know it’s not easy Dfinn, and extremely bad timing with all the birthdays and holiday. Glad you got a little time to enjoy yourself. It will get better, you will remember the most random stuff ever. At least I did, for months and months. I’ve thought about my dad a lot recently with this shop build. Sending love your way 🥰
It’s a funny thing. Right after mom died one of my cousins did a post about mom on her Facebook page. The only times this cousin had seen mom in the last 4.5 years was Xmas 2019 (before EVERYTHING) and the day before mom died. And because of this her post was about the mom of “before”. About how fierce and funny mom was. And in reading the post, I realized it had been sooooo long since I thought about who mom was before cancer. So, writing her eulogy was a chance to remind myself of all the things she was and loved before. Mom was still the same person at the end (definitely fierce cause how could she have hung on as long as she did), but at the end she was a muted version of all she was before.
Sometime i feel like I find it hard to remember things because i have no one to share the memories. No sibling to remind of some random time. It was always just me and mom. With dad off working. And now there is no one left on my mom’s side of the family except me. So I have a lot of sadness for the things I don’t remember. Like 3 weeks ago I was in tears for not being able to remember the name of my mom’s childhood parakeet. 🙃
Hello @dfinney! Diversion and work are good. Do take care of your health. The key is to strike a balance. As long as you make time to deal with your emotions, going back to your routine is great. I am so glad for you.
!LUV
!PIZZA
I think my emotions are definitely not ready for routine. I have discovered the last few years that sadness makes me indecisive and lethargic. 😕 Glad I work from home so my co-workers don’t see how very frazzled I am. 😢
Glad to hear your 50th went well. Lots of great photos there with big smiles - it warms the cockles.
The party was good and I felt very happy in that moment. 🙂
I'm glad the funds helped you complete the Christmas ornament collection. I have a lot of fond memories attached to the ones we have, so I understand the feeling.
I'm sorry it's been such a whirlwind for you. I'm glad your birthday was fun and helped make some happy memories. 😊
!LUV
!PIZZA
!PIMP
!DUO
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Lol. A non-preachy preacher.. those are rare.. welcome to the 50s.. it's all down hill now
We know it's been not only a tough month, but also a tough year for you and your family too. Thanks for sharing the burdens and thoughts of your heart with us.
Peace be with you @dfinney
D,
Your strength, love and character show through in how you managed this entire challenging time. I cannot begin to fathom how stressful it all must have been for you. My continued thoughts are with you and your family.
Joe
Such a very difficult process losing a parent…🙄
You hubby and dad sound wonderful I am so glad you have each other❤️
Then you have us here as well……….😇😊
It's never easy to lose someone you love; it's harder yet when it's your mom. She will never be forgotten by you or your family, and her legacy will live on in you.
Thank you for sharing @dfinney; take care.🤗💜🌻
We love you dude
🙂
Thanks dude. 🩷
Sometimes, emotions are on rollercoaster.
Sending good vibes and wishing the best.
Itharagaian Aka Independance
I'm sure your mum will be smiling down in peace seeing how well you are coping and continuing with life, you did well in organising such a lovely funeral for her. As your husband for your 50th.
How is your dad? It must be the toughest for him, hope he is coping as well as can be.
Take care @dfinney ❤️
Dad is doing OK. Sad sometimes, but puts forward a chipper demeanor. He has been spending a lot more time at our house. Which is good for him and me. It’s weird cause he is still wrapping up my grandma’s estate (we just sold her car over the weekend and got an offer on her condo), and now he will have to do all the same for mom.
Prayers with you.
Thank you. ❤️
I believe there is a lot that science has yet to explain. Spiritual attachment and likeness to loved ones being one of those. Much love Lemon-Drop.
!PIMP !PIZZA !WINE
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What a fantastic post! I am glad you have been able to celebrate some good things in spite of your loss.
The irreverent, foul-mouthed side of me especially loves the "This fucking sucks" plaque. I hope someone makes something like that in memory of me when I'm gone!
I don't know whether or not your mom had anything to do with placing that mug for you to find, but really? It doesn't matter. It's a fantastic find, and you WILL think of her fondly every time you see it!
Big hugs, my friend!
!PIMP
!PIZZA
🙂 It’s a journal. Summertooth sent it to me. He has a way of finding things with the perfect sentiment.
That's awesome! He certainly does!
You must be killin' it out here!
@willendorfia just slapped you with 1.000 PIMP, @dfinney.
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!LADY
@tipu curate
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That's so wholesome.Your mother sure is gonna love it.
Wow, what a tough time all that has been for you! I'm glad you were able to complete your mom's ornament collection with that expensive little Eskimo. Every year at Christmas you'll get to remember her with that wonderful collection.
It sounds like things went well, and I know how much work is involved in putting a funeral together. And taking your care of your dad and taking him out was great of you guys. I'm kind of jealous of your husband though, it's been years since I've been to Europe. Milan is one of my favorite cities! The Blink 182 concert was a nice distraction from it all, that looks like it was fun! They have some great songs and the VIP upgrade was a nice perk!
Happy 50th Birthday, I remember mine, it's only been a couple years! I hope you are doing the best you can. It took me a long time to really recover, although you never really do... If there's anything I can do let me know!
I am jealous of my husband too. Last time I was in Europe was 2013. Maybe I can tag along on one of his trips one of these times.
I forget, did you lose your mom or dad or both?
It’s funny when I think about how my mom got to have her own mother until she was 77. I wish my nom could have stuck around for me to be 77. 😪
I've lost both already, both at 73 which was way too young. I would have liked a few more years with them as well...
73 for both. 😢 I am sooo sorry.
I had all of these visions that my parents Aunts and Uncles would live into their 90’s (since basically everyone in my grandparent’s generation got to be in their late 90’s before they passed. 70s…. Not enough time for them or us. 🫂
Seventy really isn't enough time... My grandfather died in his 80's, that's about as far as anyone has made it recently in the family. I have a sneaking suspicion I won't have a real long life either, mainly due to the covid vaccine side effects. What I've learned is to enjoy the here and now because it may be all we have!
Tough times for sure, a lot going on in a short while. I'm very happy you bought that ornament,very awesome. Take care!
Thanks Fat-E. I am happy about the ornament for sure. Thanks for the 🩷
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