The following post was inspired by @goldenarms, so upvote his funny post if you feel it. His is more vulgar than mine, but it's still fucking hilarious: https://steemit.com/steemit/@goldenarms/how-to-get-noticed-on-steemit-6-rules-to-find-success
Use Shitty Photos
Don’t enhance your images or crop them. Make sure your subject is the most boring possible. Don't use a flash. Don’t pay attention to tone, contrast, color or any other visual element. Make sure and choose the most generic, poorly composed photos possible.
Write in a Super Bland, Fake Voice
Pretend to care about things while being overrun by a senseless void inside. Make your writing style so generic that people will not even be sure a human is writing it. Bots are in! You might as well sound like one, too!
Don’t Format Your Post
Don’t use bolding, spacing or paragraphs. Just use one giant run-on sentence without any headers, titles, spacing, bolding, italics, or any other differentiating characters.
Write Only in Popular Tags
Write about topics that are already super-saturated in Steemit: life, photography and steemit. Don't start your own trending tags, just follow blindly like a sheep.
Find Successful Bloggers And Copy Their Style And Snatch Their Images From Instagram
This will hopefully generate a generic voice, which will subconsciously prompt whales to upvote these posts. Copying others' unique voices is the surest way to creating the ultimate shitpost. You might even snatch their photos from Instagram and try to pass them off as your own. Most Instagram celebs are not on Steemit yet, so you'll have a cool 3 months of pure stolen profit before cheetah and steemcleaners fry your ass.
Don’t Be Original
Don’t tax your brain with thinking of new ideas. Shut your brain off to creative ideas and just copy what’s popular already. Make sure and recycle the click-bait garbage which can luckily be found anywhere on the interwebs. Use formulas and "sales funnel" thinking as much as possible. Follow mindless gurus to learn more "proven" tricks.
Write Overly Drippy and Sentimental Poetry
Make sure and dredge up that poetry you hid under your bed when you were in 8th grade. Post it on Steemit! Make it as drippy as possible, and infuse it with horrible overused cliches like "red like roses" "her eyes were like a lapis lazuli sky".....Make it as nauseating as possible....
Extra: Send the link of your shitpost to a whale as soon as you’re finished writing it.
Extra: Write your post on busy.org, but forget to use the tag, “busy”.
Extra: Send 10 SBD to a whale's upvote bot and receive $1.05 total payout.
Talk to my Facebook Messenger chatbot if you're confused that this post could be filled with real tips: https://chatfuel.com/bot/youtubestellabelle
@stellabelle Thank you for critiquing all the Posts that I have done so far. Oh, wait a minute I have not done any Poetry Yet.................
hahahahahahaahh
Stop using the s*it word, it's already annoying. Everybody who wants to feel good and whaley tries to use these 2 words that start with S & F in every paragraph. If not he is not smart enough. It's disgusting and takes down the whole level here. I'm sorry, I don't mean you personally, but lately it's impossible to read a post without seeing these words again and again.
Fuck yeah, that shit's gotta stop.
After reading this and a few other of @stellabelle's posts, I was gonna (sic) commend her for coining the brilliant and expressive neologism, "shitpost." As a language teacher, language student, writer, and editor, I can only approve.
The term "shitpost" describes quite well those posts that she is referring to. Most other words or phrases would not describe them as accurately or succinctly. (Only 8 letters! 4 of which are necessary)
Furthermore, while some might take offence, the term "shit" is hardly an offensive word. When we use it in such phrases as "bullshit" or "when the shit hits the fan" or "SHTF" or "Holy Shit!" few would care. Same with "WTF,' which is now completely acceptable, while to spell it out in full may not be acceptable.
I expect we might even see "shitpost" in a future edition of the Oxford dictionary. If it's not in the next one, I'll notify Oxford myself, and advise them to include it in the subsequent edition.
I think he has a point @stellabelle
You are a legend here people look up to you. People like you kinda determines the atmosphere of this space.
I agree...lets go with Poopost instead
Nice
You are too funny!! I know there is much importance to the point you are making but you were able to write the shitty post very very cleverly
Can't wait to see how it now plays out with votes - I'm sure it'll prove the flawed Steemit system and draw much attention..
Thanks @stellabelle
thisisreallygreatadviseyougivetoussir @stellabelle Imakegoodpostsoften chekc out my blogandvotes
hahahahahahah!
Damn, now I wish I hadn't used that last vote on stella, this is A#1 response to her post. I like it. I will be back to upvote when I hit 90% again, about 2 hours. The Authors/Storytellers will wait.
thanks for being such a great commenter and upvoter of mine. I respect your opinion too.
You are one of the funniest people on steemit. Such a real attitude toward steemit, toward us, toward yourself, If not for you and @mammasitta, I would have no grounding forces, and end up flying off.
ah, that is good to know! Let's clone us!
I got it right away ...it's overall a whacky post that's meant to be humorous yet have an edgy truthfulness feel .
Right on well written,.....you did it..... I thought I'd even get in on the wink wink nod nod and reply to a com-mentor who was exalting your creative poom da pa's with my own comedic flare .
But in all serious now....for reals...........
don't joke about clones
K
CLONE.................
Voted. Early, A Yeti Heart is continuing, so I will be upvoting it, and dropping down to mid 80's anyway, so no need to wait. Life just runs counter to what we want sometimes, like not dropping to far below 90% on vote power.
Good sarcasm.. But i can find a message there.. if someone wants to write a good post, he must need to avoid this 7 tips!
bingo!
Oh nooooo! I only just threw away a big pile of drippy poetry I wrote in primary school just the other day, sheesh, now what am I going to do? He he he, thanks for the giggle!
Hello @stellabelle,
I'm am new to Steemit, only my 2nd day and I'm enjoying reading the wonderful post. I have been writing for over 50 years and I can truly say you have a natural style.
I will also have to follow your advise and there is so many new things I am learning here.
Here is my first post to introduce myself:
https://steemit.com/life/@drsinmongwong/love-for-a-women
My longest post in Steemit so far, I hope my experience will help many young people grow beyond their potential:
https://steemit.com/life/@drsinmongwong/a-life-of-abundance-begins-with-these-3-basics-skills
Sincerely,
Dr.SMWong
I have up-voted and followed so I can read your articles. Thank you for the encouragement and sharing.
great advice, shitposts are fine with me though, they make other posts like this one look even better. In the end people will learn shitposts don't lead to success which will better the community overtime and raise the bar on posting quality in general
I love the extras hahahahahha xD
And this post reminds me of my "how to be a minnow forever" post I did weeeks ago. I think I won @overkillcoin's friendship with that.. Or aquaictance or whatever weird english word he used.
Post from busy and forget the tag... I thought it happened to me today but fortunaley didn't.. Paying for a less value upvote xD that's terrible!!!
Awesome post.jpg)
Sarcasm???? :D
could it be that I smell sarcasm? ;)
cough as a poetry curator the poetry one hit painfully close to the mark
nice.......great post......
Actually that poetry idea is good. I have lots of poetry I could write and wonder if it would get upvoted. Beyond that your post is exactly write.
well, Dana, you've got quite a trail of bot upvotes, so i would guess you would get upvoted! (btw, i'm umami, and you're on my bot upvote list)
Actually minnows made quite a fuss about that so I don't get as many upvotes now as I once did. I think this is just the typical cycle when the Steem price drops as we saw happen a year ago this time.
My goal right now is to build my follower base.
i always like what you have to say and yeah, i'm still an RLC bagholder because i took your advice...are you still into iexec?
Yes, I still hold RLC, but I don't offer investment advice. I'm just into it. iExec actually works and they demonstrated it, so the tokens will gain value in 2018.
Like with anything, it takes time to build it all out. RLC has value because if you can buy cloud computers with it then there is a lot you might be able to do with those cloud computers, like cloud mining, bots, or perhaps some more interesting use cases for smart contracts which we haven't thought of yet.
I also hold EnigmaMPC (ENG), as the other big deal token. I don't intend to sell these tokens for BTC or anything like that but to leverage the resources these tokens are backed by to generate passive income. I think of computation and data as better currencies than Bitcoin, Dash, etc, which are at best backed by electricity (mining) or by public perception. I view any token which can be exchanged for something productive with true utility to be a long term hold.
My strategy for investing is based on what I want to do. So I usually don't buy tokens to later cash out into fiat but instead buy tokens which give me real wealth or resources. RLC, ENG, or in some cases just a moon shot like AGRS. For these reasons I missed out a lot on the short term profit like Bitcoin Cash, or some of the controversial stuff like Bitconnect, but I play the long game and those short term profits don't matter so much in that context.
RLC = winner chicken dinner with gravey a tater tots....roasted ..not fried.
https://iex.ec/news/iexec-wins-2017-award-disruptive-innovation/
thanks for the epic reply. i don't mind hodling....
Hello dear @stellabelle.
Many times we are disappointed and the horrible emptiness comes.
Never stop shining. The best times will come and they will give an account of good writers.
Your writings are a great light and all is not lost.
Today I wrote my poetry with a bit of emptiness. There is a ton of people who do not understand.
A hug from my humble trench.
Great post - I'm sure that I will not be adhering to any of these tips.
Perfect - 90% of the posts on Steemit are covering all of those things!
ahahahah! If you could find the remaining 10% and share them, you'd be rich!!!!
Mountains of _______
BA HAHAHAAA that was pure epicness. Thank you for the lulz!
glad you lulzed it! I was inspired by someone's post...i'll link it...
https://steemit.com/steemit/@goldenarms/how-to-get-noticed-on-steemit-6-rules-to-find-success
You are definitely my role model... you're my best inspiration, to keep growing in steemit.
Thanks so much @arcabuzx Your encouraging comment above regarding myself , makes me keep plugging away on Steemit.
I'm carving out a little niche for myself by posting to my followers Steemit feed, facts that might help them one day if they ever watch Jeopardy with smart people.
Calling me a role model is going a bit too far down the word worshipping whippty do ladder but I'm OK with it. I like it . The adoration make me wanna post more useful information about stuff.
Great post ;-)
Only one possible 'error' I spotted, when posting via busy I think they default the first tag to 'busy' so that won't be a real issue, whew one sorted :-)
Reverse psychology? Because telling people how to make a moderate to good post does not seem to be having much of an effect on some people. But if I keep running across meaningless pictures for the post, or blurry or ugly pictures, I may have to use a totally meaningless, ugly, and blurry photo in my response to them. With no words of course. Is that bland dinner plate photo one of your's? Can I use it if needed?
it's not. it's from protopod's youtube video.
Well I have lots of ugly photo's I can use. I should get one prepared. :-}
This was worth turning off the podcast I was listening to in order to read it all! Upvoted and resteemed!
wow, thanks. that's a really nice compliment.
You're welcome, it was as true as it was well done.
Oh my fuck I was dying at the first pic of the low quality steak and low quality steak pic! Hahaha I'm still laughing actually 😂 Thanks for the shout out this was funnier than mine girlfriend. #shitpost, I'm going back now to retag mine. I use bots and get shitty returns but thats ok cause idgaf I'm a thug. Ok so I'm saying it, our two posts are the best this week, it's still early but we did it 🔫😎😎💰
we might have started a new shitpost trend!!!!!! This could get fun! Tell all your friends! make the worst post EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIKE if people told the truth like:
put a shitty photo of the dirty counter...
then tell the truth! LIke:
I'm so desperate for friends on here, i'd lick the countertop that is full of old pizza rinds....
mine would go something like:
I'm so fucking addicted to Steemit (even after a year and a half) that i still ignore my child for most of the waking hours....
Oh well im glad you're a good mother. Mine sold the dishes for crack rock then got high with John the bootlegger down the street for 3 days. I'm trending right behind you in #shitpost. First time I've trended on here so I'm glad tonite you can into my life, with your generosity, hilarity and some other word 😊
I'm not a bad mom, i'm just a little distracted by crypto.....i hope i calm down in 2018. I'm teaching her all about crypto, so she's getting a good education....
oh god...i'm sorry about your mom.
Awesome post, pretty excited for my boy @goldenarms to be getting a shout out from you, he really is off the wall hilarious.
Love this, Goldenarms did a brilliant job on his post this morning. He writes some really good content. Would love to see you mentor him so he can possibly get the post rewards that he deserves.
well i've found him now!
Very good post.
I have Resteem and Upvote your article for progress and forward together.
Steemit
..
@stellabelle - what about using inflammatory language to get lots of comments or start a comment war by randomly tagging whales to get more views?
@stellabelle shitpost means fake posts! The content is totally diffferent from what i hv learned one months back.
No doubt you mean differently and wanted to make people aware about righting good stuff. Still i would try to write a #shitpost...Cpy-paste😀
P.S: these r my own words, no shitposts😉
Thanks
@steemflow
haha, i feel like there is a @steembirds song somewhere in here ;)
there is.
Hahaha! This is the funniest thing I have read all day! I wish I could make it a mandatory read for everyone. 😂
I have been telling my husband how badly I want to write a humorous post that encourages people to stop with the shit. I wasn’t brave enough, but I’m glad you are. This seriously is the best post I have seen for days. 😂😂😂
What the shitpost !!! ahsuahsuashu
LOL
hahaha, the first photo is great for this post
Man, I'm trying to step my game up... I think I'm seeing how to make stuff more of a conversation than actual post but I still don't know what the secret sauce is yet...
Hahaha I would add...
ez art post- Find cool image
- ctrl c
- ctrl v
- no text
- post
Roses are red,
Violets aren't blue,
But hey,
I can write shit poetry too.
It's damn hard to write a better shit post than @goldenarms but these are some good tips to keep in mind :D
Now if only I could be motivated to do even half of that. But you missed the most obvious one. Step 1: Make an open source project. Step 2: post about every tiny incremental update. Step 3: profit
Thanks for the morning laugh. The poetry bit had me in splits. You are so right. No one cares for original ideas anymore. Its like, what is in it for me attitude including paid whale vots. Wonder if there is a genuine bot to upvote quality content here.
This is very funny
I hope people don't just laugh and forget that this is good education right here.
I used to be so guilty of #1 but I have improved.
"Send 10sbd to a whale's upvote bot and recieve 1.05 payout"
Hahahaha! Oh my!
Am coming, let me go and laugh at the back of my curtain (My favorite spot for silly games)
When I am back, will complete my comment..... lol
@stellabelle
So, genuine question.... If you are a minnow with maybe only a small following, how do you get noticed if you don't post in the more popular tags? Are the people who are searching out good content actively looking in tags that don't show up on the front page?
I hear this works. I am tempted to do it :)
A friend that works as a curator is having a hellish week. Can't find posts worthy to be curated.
So shitposts just won.
Congratulations to all the shitposters. It takes great effort to be the shit. :)
lol
Oh yes!
Top #2... What are those mannequins?!?! Please use great mannequin photos... like Steemitri ;-)
Yeah, definitely seen some of these, especially number 2#
i am so inspired by these tips you have given. @stellabelle hope one day i will be successful as you.
This post received a 20% vote by @msp-canada courtesy of @goldenarms from the Minnow Support Project ( @minnowsupport ). Join us in Discord.
Upvoting this comment will help support @minnowsupport.
nice post bro, please please please UP Vote me..
I acheived bonus extra 2 last week!
FAIL!
I'm still trying to guess the egg dammit!
also, have you met @rocking-dave and his animated promo vids?
https://steemit.com/promo-steem/@rocking-dave/update-still-offering-free-videos-and-signatures
Super brill!