As the snows have arrived, I was changing my tires in the underground parking at the local shopping center on my lunch break. In the space of the 30 or so minutes it took, two people came up to me and tried to book in a tire change. While I told them I am just doing my own and gave them both directions to where the actual tire change place is, I asked the second how much they were willing to pay for the service. She just laughed awkwardly and walked away. Neither said sorry for the confusion, nor thank you for the directions. They were young enough to speak English well, old enough to know better.
Such are manners in society today.
And, this isn't really a one off, as I might have mentioned here earlier that at times when picking up takeaway food, it is a struggle because they confuse me with a delivery driver. At times, I have had to call my wife to confirm the order, because they aren't going to take my word for it.
I was talking with a couple colleagues about manners today, and how I think that I might be "too old" for today's culture. They laughed, because they are both obviously older than me, but were also surprised that I am closer to their age than they expected.
That aside, I clarified that what I meant was I am of a generation that didn't grow up on a screen, with smart appliances, with artificial intelligence prompts, with on-demand consumer viewing and consumption, or a host of other solutions to make our lives easier, without considering whether they make our lives better. For me, if you wanted a date, you had to do the work to get one, face to face, with the right words, the right attitude, the right personality - You couldn't web search for the perfect thing to say, or a funny picture to show you are cool.
Yes, I said cool.
All these trendy hipsters, yet I don't meet many of them that are cool, or even interesting. They try of course, but that might be the problem. Many seem to be going out of their way to differentiate themselves in the marketplace, but they aren't considering what their goals are, their audience, or whether what they are doing is aligned with achieving what they want to do. Maybe it is because they have grown where their actions have less consequences, where doing the wrong thing doesn't hurt as much. But, if we are the sum of our actions, if who we are is shaped by what we do, the question is;
What are we doing?
If our individual habits are more positive on average than negative, then we will improve. However, what does this mean for society if it is getting worse on average? Society is made up of the actions of many individuals, it means that on average, *people are getting worse. Society is failing. People like the ones mentioned above who didn't apologize for the confusion or say thank you, are likely going to also complain about the behaviors they see in society now, even though they are part of the problem.
It is like when people answer questions whether they believe they are "better or worse than average" at something like driving, intelligence, or in the bedroom; Overwhelmingly, most people think they are better than average. Obviously this can't be true, but we all suffer in some way from a blindness where the problem is generally, "other people", not ourselves.
As I drove home from the shopping center as more snow kept falling, I was thinking of times where I might have been in a similar position to the people who didn't say thank you, and a few instances came to mind. However, I was raised in a family culture to say thank you when someone helps, and over the years I have made it a core part of who I am, because not only is it nice for those who help, but it is nice for me too, because people are willing to help more.
One particular instance comes to mind from twenty years ago where I was sitting with friends at a café/bar we often frequented, having a couple of drinks. Every so often, the service person came and cleared some glasses and cups and I would thank them each time. At some point, a friend said, "you don't have to say thank you each time, she remembers from last time that you are thankful". My response was, I know she remembers. Take a look around at all of the other tables in here and tell me what you see. Ours was nearly the only one that was clear. It wasn't that the service person was inattentive to others, but when it was so busy, she only had time to clear a couple, but she always made sure that ours was in each round.
One of the keys to build a desired habit is to make it satisfying. This works for an individual, but it also applies to others we interact with. If we want them to repeat a behavior, we also have to recognize what it requires to make it satisfying for them too. If getting what we want relies on others, we have to think about why they would help.
We seem to just expect them to.
No apologies for putting them out. No thanking them for their assistance.
Much like the behaviors we have when demanding whatever we want through an app.
If you can't change your own tires. Learn to be polite.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
Wow, is it normal or early for snow? Here it is still 20C except at nights. However, it will get cool next week, but not to that extend :)
Pretty normal for this time, but not usually this much. Normally there is a bit less. This will melt in the next few days.
I once heard a story from a friend who boarded a commercial transport and the bus stopped once on its way to pick passengers. My friend gave up his seat for the three passengers and stood the rest of the journey. The funny thing is that when the passengers came down from the vehicle they didn't even say thank you just walked away. That's society for you today and sadly it's getting worse. Parents today don't take time to teach their children manners. I'm not so surprised at what it results too.
Parents don't teach manners, because many parents are caught in the frame entitlement mindset, where they believe people should serve them - even if they aren't paying for service.
What stupid people. For them you need to buy a cap with the inscription - I work only for myself. Or - F. O., I'm a whale at Hive.
:D
A small whale.
It surprised me a bit that people of their age would act like that. I wonder if it would have been the same if I was more "Finnish" looking.
People can be weird, I am glad that I don't work in the service industry and have to deal with all the rudeness and stuff. And while we are on the point of saying thank you I would like to say thank you for consistently upvoting my comments 😊.
Lol. Unbelievable really that people do not have the basic manners and communication skills that we would expect as being normal. Blame texting as that is what has changed as people do not know how to interact with others in real life. We are like dinosaurs now and this is strange. We see this when we go out to a restaurants as it is mind boggling no one is talking to their partners and are on their phones. This is what I would call bad manners yet it is the norm now.
I also laughed when I read it. But truth be told the rate at which the younger generation lack simple manners is a thing to worry about. What will the world look like in the future.
I see you write blogs. I could use a ghost writer for my blogIf you are interested I could pay you 100 HBD a month.😛I say thank you all the time at restaurants too. Even when they aren't doing something for me or in front of me. I was out with my friend the other day and they brought him some ranch dressing that he requested. I was the one that said thank you to the waitress. It's a habit I hope I never break honestly. That's funny about the tires. I saw awesome a lot in regular speech and in my posts and my nieces always laugh at me for doing it.
The part that drives me nuts is that they are completely oblivious to the similarities. Crazy!
Snow season already? Wowzers!! We got nearly 80F for Halloween, it was glorious weather here.
If you hook me up with VIP guestlist to the show, pretty good chance I write up that song review article big dog!