Thanks, I appreciate your feedback and examples. It gives me more confidence to know that other people go through similar or near-similar experiences. I am now observing and studying all of this while being the subject of the observation myself.
It sounds strange, like performing an experiment where you are your own experimental subject, so observation seems to require some kind of psychological/emotional detachment..
The most difficult thing in all this so far seems to be the amount of inner work that needs to be done seemingly without any help :/ Like when they throw you in the water and it’s not the nice, appropriate, school-approved method of teaching how to swim, it’s more like “there you go, do what you can, if you learn fast enough - you’ll survive”.