We all know the type and have been them, at times, The Chronically Dissatisfied. Short-changed by life at every turn, or so they believe, they adopt a scorched-earth mentality. Each time they unbutton their lips, it's to tear down, belittle, bemoan: the weather, the news, their colleagues, the world. Or, at the very least, to satisfy their disgruntled hearts, they will emit a long and windy sigh.
We learn, over time, to avoid such persons, or minimize our interactions-- and not ask them how they are doing, or about their work, or their weekends, for fear of the deluge. Sometimes, they might overhear themselves and, in turn, they will complain about how difficult it is for them.
There is no age limit to this misbehavior, of course, and growing older does not mean growing up. But maturity, and certainly evolving, does mean complaining less--since, one cannot complain and truly learn at the same time. Muslim mystic, Rumi, says this best in a handful of words:
'If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?
Which is to say, those so-called 'irritants'—the obstacles, the hurdles, the challenges, the disappointments, the delayed gratifications, even the heartache—they are all there to help us grow, and polish the mirror of our heart. But, first, we must perceive them in this light, and try to work with them, not against them.
Patience, of course is key. Another Sufi teacher, Idries Shah, puts it this way:
'The impatient man is his own enemy; he slams the door on his own progress.
And, because my mind works in quotations, I am reminded of yet another. In this case, it was Christian counsel on a wooden plaque at the entrance of our childhood home (even though we were not raised Christians). Known as the "Serenity Prayer" and written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, it read:
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
To recognize that all is not within our hands, and act on what is, this is wisdom indeed.
Generally speaking, I've found that patience, acceptance and gratitude are effective antidotes to complaining. How can I use this circumstance might be a better approach, than knee-jerk resistance, and negativity.
And, because, this is a social media platform, where other struggling, suffering souls visit our feed and the communal well in search of something to refresh them and brighten their day, it's worthwhile to try to balance our tendency to vent with some uplift. Otherwise, without recognizing it, we might find one day that we have become that person we avoid: The Incorrigible Complainer. A parting quote, by C.S. Lewis, eloquently sums up this unfortunate predicament:
“Hell begins with a grumbling mood, always complaining, always blaming others… but you are still distinct from it. You may even criticize it in yourself and wish you could stop it. But there may come a day when you can no longer. Then there will be no you left to criticize the mood or even to enjoy it, but just the grumble itself, going on forever like a machine. It is not a question of God “sending us” to hell. In each of us there is something growing, which will BE hell unless it is nipped in the bud. ”
© Yahia Lababidi
(Images: Unsplash, in order of appearance by: Aziz Acharki, Cathal Mac an Bheatha, Jeremy Yap and Mohammad Metri)
Well said dear Yahia !
Positiveness attracts more positiveness :)
Much appreciated, brother!
Yes, that's the flip-side of negativity attracting negativity. That when we are solution-oriented and hopeful we attract Good Things :)
Great message, thank you for that.
Complaining never brings you further.
Instead you should see the positive in everything.
Even in failures. Especially those can make you more successful than you ever was if you are taking the failures the right way.
Best wishes to you,
Jason
Many thanks, Jason, for your warm affirmation. There are many opportunities to illuminate, connect or communicate Joy. It's a pity that negativity seems to be easier... But, I believe we benefit from restraining ourselves and doing what is harder when it comes to this and so much else in life. Have a wonderful day :)
Yes, I've been around people that just complain all the time...nothing is ever right. I always wish/pray they could just look around themselves and find 1 or 2 good things about their day. It's so easy to complain and much harder in some circumstances to find joy! Another thought is maybe they should make changes in their life to improve their situation if they can! It's not easy, but it's possible.
Thank you, for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. One feels bad, up to a point, for the complainer, sensing that they’re stuck & in a rut.
But, you’re right, the chronic dissatisfactied have to decide to help themselves (at least, by changing their attitude) before anything else.
Otherwise, if we share their POV, we become enablers and miserable ourselves!
You would not believe how much this resonates with me (and probably a million others)!!
I have become a much happier person since I learned to recognise and ignore these people.
I used to engage and would find myself moaning as well and be dragged down by their negativity. The "sheep mentality" is very powerful!!
I'm delighted to hear you say that! As one gets older, I suppose, they recognize these dangerous patterns better and are somewhat more careful with their energies.
Happy to hear you're not getting sucked into negativity. Thank you, for taking time to read and comment.
Sublime wisdom Yahia. You have written the chaos in my mind about this important subject. Pain comes from distancing from complainers when there are family ties. My father gave me a wonderful metaphor: Tune out when you hear the complaining tone. You can be like a hippo resting on the riverbed, letting the stream rush past you swiftly. Pay no attention. But listen for that other sweeter tone always. The tone that wants atonement. For that you must be instantly present.
You and your father sound wise & poetic. After exhausting every possibility, I’ve had to distance myself from near and dear complainers, too, for sanity’s sake. (So, I understand your pain.) But, when I see them making an effort, I tune in, too. Thank you, for your spiritual and lyrical response to my post — it means a lot to me to receive it. Stay blessed 🙏🏼
There is nothing to add! Cool! :)
Yes, complaining is merely the result of having taken over external Truth and then playing victim to our life experience. 'I didn't want that in the first place' is finally our excuse, the source of blame.
So better we start returning to the one and only Truth, which lies within. Only then we take responsibility for our experience...but we are eternally, so eventually we find all back Home. It is guaranteed. :)
Thank you, @alexaventuria, for adding this important spiritual dimension to the discussion.
Namely, we are all responsible to some extent for our fortunes. If we truly examined this, we would have neither the time nor energy to blame anyone else, or external circumstances. Food for thought :)
great post my friend!
'If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished? - this is soooo true!
i tend to steer clear with these types of people honestly as i dont want their negativity to rub off on me. they need to work on themselves and stop this habit of complaining and start being grateful. i find that being around these type of people drains the energy out of me. i call them energy-drainers or "vampires" and unfortunately there are a lot of people in this world who falls in this category. love the post man! :)
You do well to steer clear of those emotional/energy vampires, dear Andy, and it shows in your high energy and positivity!
Thanks, for taking time to read and comment — glad you enjoyed it. ✌🏼
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