Warning: I normally post satirical sports stories. However, this is an attempt at a serious one (well mostly serious).
I know his nuts are here somewhere.
Approximately one hour ago, it was reported that The Cleveland Cavaliers and Boston Celtics agreed on a blockbuster trade. The Cavs are sending Kyrie Irving to the Boston Celtics in exchange for Isaiah Thomas, Jae Crowder, Ante Zizic, and New Jersey's #1 pick in 2018.
Kyrie Irving, a four time All-Star, was the number one overall pick in the 2011 draft and won the Rookie of the year that season.
Coincidentally, Isaiah Thomas was the last overall pick of the 2011 draft. However, he has not played like the last pick of the second round. He has made two All-Star teams and averaged nearly 29 points per game last season.
Jae Crowder is seen as a a solid, yet not spectacular, staring caliber small forward.
Ante Zizic is a prescription cream that is used to treat sever back acne. (Ok I had to work in one joke)
Because the New Jersey Nets are a steaming pile of hot garbage, their #1 pick is very likely to be one of the top three in next year's draft.
Even though it has only been a little over sixty minutes since the trade was announced, it is never too early to state ridiculous opinions about the trade.
This is a very unique trade. It is extremely rare for the two teams favored to meet in the Conference Finals to make such a huge deal between them.
In the short run, Cleveland made the Boston Celtics much better. Not only was Kyrie Irving the second best player on the Cavaliers (behind only LeBron), for many playoff games, he was the absolute best offensive player on their team. He is an excellent shooter who averaged just over 40% from the 3 point line. He may also be the best finisher at the rim in the entire league. I heard he once played defense, but I could find no evidence of that.
Sadly Kyrie's man was at the other end of the court.
To get him, the Celtics really only gave up Isaiah Thomas and that #1 pick. Due to cap restrictions and the acquisition of Gordon Hayward, Crowder had to be traded.
Isaiah Thomas is an electric scorer. Although he is known for his outside shooting, Kyrie Irving actually has a significantly higher career 3 point shooting percentage than Thomas (38.3% to 36.7%). Listed at a minuscule 5'9", Thomas has never, ever been accused of playing defense... and he never will.
In addition, after next year Thomas is an unrestricted free agent who will command upwards of $20 million per year. Would a legitimate contender really spend $20 million per season on a guy who is 5'9" and can't possibly guard anyone. Nope. Thomas was going to walk. So the Celtics got something good for him while they could. That is a pretty slick move.
In the short term, the Celtics won this trade in a landslide.
However, I do not believe this trade was intended to meet the Cavalier's short term needs.
I think this trade is a sign that next season will be LeBron's last in Cleveland. They made this trade to build for life after LeBron. Getting a top three pick in the draft held the same summer when LeBron will cut the hearts out of the Cavs for the second time, will help them to do that.
The Cavs made a trade for the future without really hurting themselves too badly for next season.
No matter what, the NBA will make sure LeBron is in the finals. Therefore, the step down at point guard really doesn't matter that much.
LeBron tosses the ashes of the NBA's integrity in the air.
This trade is also a sign that the Cavs know that they have no legitimate chance to beat a healthy Warriors team. The best they could hope for is a Finals loss. After this trade, they are set up for a Finals loss. Except now, they get a Finals loss and a top three draft pick. That is a long term win for the Cavs.
Why am I so sure that the Cavs have even less of a chance to beat the Warriors now?
Who is Isaiah Thomas going to guard in the finals?
Of course the answer is no-one.
So let's change the question. Whose belly button will Isaiah Thomas stare at while they score 35 points a game on him?
Steph Curry who will raise up and shoot threes over him all game?
Klay Thompson who will rise up and shoot threes over him all game and then abuse him in the post?
How cute. They are letting someone's little brother play.
Yeah the answer is no-one.
In addition, after losing in the finals and burning LeBron's jerseys again, the Cavs will be able to simply let Isaiah Thomas walk away as an unrestricted free agent.
Can this also be a long term win for the Celtics?
In two years, LeBron will be in the Western Conference. As much as they will try to avoid it, someone will have to represent the Eastern Conference in the NBA Finals. Who better than a Celtics team with a core of Irving, Hayward, Jaylan Brown/Jayson Tatum?
The Celtics did give up a very valuable draft pick in order to make this trade work. But would they really be better off with no Isaiah Thomas and another rookie in two years?
I don't think so.
And the Cavs are screwed when LeBron turns his back on his home town fans for the second time. At least they got the most sought after draft pick currently available.
Oh and this was all a waste of time. I don't think the Warriors will be losing a Championship any time soon.
I think the Cavs are better after this trade, because they will not have to contend with a disgruntle Kyrie. The team will not have to answer questions after each game about the rift between Lebron and Kyrie. Even though Isiah doesn't play that much defense, at least he is more willing than Kyrie. When you add Crowder to the mix, there are better defensively without Kyrie. The Cavs will suffer some a bit offensively, but a healthy Thomas can get buckets particularly in the 4th quarter.
Let's see if I'm correct a year from now on this trade. I still don't think the Cavs can beat the Warriors.
Celtics are going to wreck the Cavs. Maybe not wreck but they will come out on top of this trade. IT is going to clash with Lebron because they both are used to the offense flowing through them. Then you have to consider that IT probably, well not probably 100% certainly did not want to leave Boston for fucking Cleveland Ohio. IT loved the damn Celtics. He's not going to play with that same heart.
Kyrie however is fired up to be THE GUY on that squad, just like he wanted. And Boston is a great sports city and great organization. Huge upgrade from Cleveland.
Honestly I don't know why people are so high on Cavs after this trade. Celtics will get the 1 seed, again, Cavs will not be in the Finals.
I would agree if I trusted the NBA. I truly believe that if LeBron were on a team that only dressed 3 other players, the NBA would find a way to get him in the finals lol. The league is making money hand over fist off of him.
You may be right that Thomas is more willing to play D. Unfortunately, willing or not, he simply can't. Either way, it really doesn't matter. We can fast forward to the Cavs vs Warriors finals right now. Will the Cavs win a game in that series is my only question.
Curious to see which of these two teams Wade joins when he is bought out. There is an argument for both.
@theregularguy:
Dude, I absolutely geeve about sports.
ZERO! HEY! Interest at all.
You, my friend, are SO bloody funny with your photo captions and opinions I'm compelled to check my follower feed, and click on your name just to see what time it is with your last post and get a giggle or three.
The sports talk might as well be Martian-speak because my comprehension level is nil.
The HILARIOUS observations and interpretations on your part are priceless, if laughter, itself, carries an infinite value.
Do me a favor bro:
Give me a name besides @theregularguy to use to refer to you in my comments.
My fingers are tired.
IF you were talking football I would have guessed you were Bill Burr incognito.
YES!
You are that good.
Powerful first name I have yet to use,
Respect.
@scan0017
damn, I'll miss IT and Crowder was our best defender. Zizic is supposedly a solid player plus another pick? damn . We will see if the C's have anywhere near the chemistry the team had last year.
I was surprised that included the New Jersey pick.
I'm going to have to say that this is a brilliant move by the Cavs. Thomas plays slightly worse defense than Irving but is more of a playmaker. IT4 had ~200 iso plays ran for him last year, while Irving had ~400. This hopefully will let Lebron rest more and not have the ball stop moving when he's off the floor. Crowder gives them scoring and solid defense off the bench which is something they had nothing of last year. The best part is the Nets pick (probably top 10), which gives them insurance for Lebron in case he leaves, or they use it in a trade package for another star. Oh, and don't sleep on Zizic who is a legit 20 year old, 7 foot, prospect coming over from dominating the same league that Dario Saric, Jusuf Nurkic and Nikola Jokic came over from. Although he is still developing, he should be a bruising big body coming off the bench increasing their depth at center.
I honestly think they did the best they could and I really don't think they hurt their chances of going to the finals. I also anticipate that Dwayne Wade will be on the Cavs at some point the season. Should be interesting.
Great article, I enjoyed reading it. Funny.
You might want to try italicizing your picture captions, it's a nice visual offset. Just enclose them with asterisks and that'll do it in Markdown.
Thank you. I will give that a try.
I did it. I like it. Thank you!
@theregularguy got you a $1.65 @minnowbooster upgoat, nice! (Image: pixabay.com)
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Exposed!
Curses! I blame autocorrect. I swear! I know how to spell it lol. I am fixing that right now!
Thank you!
"I heard he once played defense, but I could find no evidence of that."
Good one :)
LOL. Thanks
I'm not sure how I haven't found your content sooner! This was truly entertaining and I will be following for more of your stories.
As for the trade, I think Boston really made out here. Danny Aigne has been trying to bring in a big name free agent for 2 years and has ended up settling for all-stars, but not superstars in Horford and Haywood. Adding Kyrie to those 2 and the young core they are assembling lead by Jason Tatum, I think they may take and immediate step back but they'll still be a top 3 seed in the East and make plenty of noise in the playoffs. You know Kyrie is tryna see Bron-Bron in the playoffs.
Thanks!
I think will make things even more interesting in two years when I believe LeBron will be gone. But no matter what, it will be fun to watch these teams play each other. So odd to see a blockbuster between the conference favorites. When Wade gets bought out, I predict he signs with one of these two teams.
This post has received a 19.12 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @theregularguy.
When the Celtics go up against the Cavs it could make for some interesting showdowns.
I agree! If LeBron guards Kyrie it will be very interesting. If LeBron and Crowder are on the floor at the same time, there is a possibility that matchup could happen.
"Warning: I normally post satirical sports stories. However, this is an attempt at a serious one (well mostly serious)."
The very next line : I know his nuts are here somewhere.
I knew you wouldn't let me down. Good analysis to go with the laughs. Please keep up the good work.
LOL. I couldn't resist!
WTF! C's killed the eastern conference with a suicide attack...
it's a win-win for both teams. that 2018 draft pick could actually turn out to be the number 1 overall pick in a stacked draft. or even better, trade it for a proven star mid-season. (*cough cough new orleans pelicans - DMC or AD)