It’s not simple nowadays. I have too much to lose and too little to truly feel any real loss. I am me, I guess. The truest form I can be, that is.
New york raining
I tried to look past when and how the past presented itself in the present, uncomfortable experiences where I have to distance myself to truly hear my emotions without overhearing what they should be like.
I remember being so insecure that my palms bleeded from wanting to show you how much I loved you. I remember everything but the pain, I never felt the pain. I guess that’s why it kicked in twelve times harder when you left.
The rain, was making me feel painless. Nowadays when it rains, I remember how much I need me. It makes me understand pain without experiencing it.
I make me smile, without being afraid or frightened at what could come to scare that feeling away. I am no longer scared to lose myself, because I am the one who has me.
I think that’s why I’m taking some time, a little bit more distance, a little bit more effort must be made. I want myself, completely.
I was a worshipper of others, tended to their gardens and brought them offerings on plates of solid gold. Now, I need to understand the seasons, so I can grow what I need from my own garden. There’s not enough spring for the flowers I want to see bloom.
I am ready to see and revisit love, compassion and strength. But in order to reunite with them, I need to understand fall and all the leaves that change colors, winter and the death it brings to better appreciate the life I will experience during summertime.
Summer’s almost over, it’s time to practice what I preached.