I'm an equal opportunity employer, I'll hire anyone if they fit within a very simple set of criteria.

Employee Application for Badpupper's Bargain Barn Ltd.

Prospective employees must fulfill the following criteria in order to be considered for employment.

Must be willing to live in the woods
1a. Shack provided by employer
Must not have any allergies to fish
2a. Employees are paid in fish
Must be willing to adjust to job requirements changing frequently
3a. No notice or training will be given
Must be willing to waive employer for any potential injury or death caused by:
4a. The Tree King
4b. Miscellaneous Forest Violence (Bear attacks, Bandit raids, etc.)
4c. Your employer
Must have a Big Phat Ass
5a. There are absolutely no exceptions to this rule¹

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SIGN HERE²

This policy applies to all employees, irrespective of gender, sexual orientation, or sex characteristics. Unless you've got a Big Dumpy, you ain't workin' here, pal.
By signing this application you agree to give your employer power of attorney and wave any rights to sue or otherwise litigate against said employer.