What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven something, I did for you in the presence of Christ. (2 Corinthians 2:10)
This challenge is difficult ... perhaps the most difficult of the book. In spite of this, if you want your marriage to have hope, it is necessary to take it with absolute seriousness. Therapists and pastors who work regularly with broken partners will tell you that it is the most complex problem of all, a rupture that is often the last to be repaired. You can not only consider forgiveness, but you have to put it into practice deliberately. If there is no forgiveness, there will not be a successful marriage.
Jesus painted a living image of forgiveness in his parable of the ungrateful servant. A man who owed a considerable sum of money was surprised when his master heard his request for mercy and canceled his debt completely. However, once he was freed from this great burden, the servant did something very unexpected: he went to see another man who owed him a much smaller sum and demanded that he be paid immediately. When the master found out, the agreement with the slave changed radically. "And his lord was enraged, he delivered him to the executioners until he paid all that he owed him" (Matthew 18:34). A day that had begun with joy and relief ended in grief and despair.
Torture. Prison. When you think about the lack of forgiveness, this would come to mind, because Jesus said, "So also my heavenly Father will do to you, if you do not forgive each one of his brother's heart" (Matthew 18:35).
Imagine that you are in a prison. By looking around you, you can visualize several cells from where you are. There, you see people from your past who are imprisoned: people who hurt you when you were little. You see those who were once your friends but at some point in life were unfair to you. Maybe, you see your parents there, maybe a brother or sister or some other family member. Even your spouse is locked up nearby, trapped with others in this prison of your imagination.
As you will see, this prison is a room of your own heart, This dark, cold and depressing chamber exists inside you every day. However, not too far away, Jesus is standing there, and he offers you a key that can free all the prisoners.
No. You do not want to know anything with that. These people hurt you too much. They knew what they were doing and yet they did ... even your spouse, the person you should have trusted the most. So you resist and you leave. You do not want to stay there anymore. Seeing Jesus, seeing the key in his hand, knowing what he is asking you to do ... is too much.
When you try to escape, you discover something alarming: There is no way out, you are trapped inside with the other prisoners. Your lack of forgiveness, your anger and your bitterness have transformed you into a prisoner too. Like the servant in the story of Jesus, who was forgiven an impossible debt, you have chosen not to forgive and you have been handed over to the jailers and the executioners. Now, your freedom depends on your forgiveness.
In general, to reach this conclusion takes a while, We see that forgiving involves all kinds of dangers and risks. For example, what these people did was really wrong, admit it or not. Maybe, they are not even repentant. Maybe they feel that their actions are perfectly justified, and even come to blame you. However, forgiveness does not absolve anyone of guilt. They are not left to accounts with God. It simply frees you from having to worry about your punishment. When you forgive someone, you do not release them. You give it to God, who you can count on to take care of that person in their own way. You save yourself the trouble of preparing more arguments or trying to impose yourself in this situation. It is no longer about winning or losing. It's about freedom. It's about letting go.
Because of this, you often hear that people who have truly forgiven say: "It seems that they have taken a burden off me". Yes, it is exactly that. It's like a breath of refreshing air that enters your heart. The cold darkness of the prison is flooded with light and freshness. For the first time in a long time, you feel at peace. You feel free
But how do you achieve it? You give the Lord your anger and the responsibility of judging this person. "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but give place to the wrath of God, for it is written:" Mine is vengeance, I will repay, "says the Lord" (Romans 12:19).
How do you know you've done it? You know it when thinking about his name or seeing his face makes you feel sorry for them, instead of making your blood boil; It makes you feel sorry for them, that you really expect them to change.
You could say much more and maybe you should fight with a lot of emotional issues to achieve it; But excellent marriages are not formed by people who never hurt themselves, but by people who "do not take into account the evil received" (1 Corinthians 13: 5).
Today's challenge
Today, forgive anything you have not forgiven your spouse. Let it go. In the same way that we ask Jesus to forgive our debts every day, we must ask him to help us forgive our debtors every day. The lack of forgiveness has kept you and your spouse in jail for a long time. From your heart, say: "I choose to forgive"
Why did you forgive your spouse today?
How long have you been carrying that weight?
Now that you gave this question to God,
What possibilities do you have?
Father, forgive them because they dont know what they are doing. (Luke 23:34)
The key is to save your marriage BEFORE you are married. The true married couple should never have to face a deep situation where they need to forgive one another. One must know the value of marriage BEFORE they are married.