I threw my shoes away, and walked barefoot in the cold and wet streets of Amsterdam.
source
Why would I do something that incredibly stupid ,you might rightfully ask.
Well, my shoes were falling apart, as I brought already disintegrating shoes with me to Steemfest.
Why did I do that? It's called ADHD, and it's something that I constantly struggle with.
I constantly forget things , I lose things, and I mess things up.
And I sometimes suffer from low impulse control.
So my shoes were falling apart, and they were smelly, and I thought : "Fuck this, I will buy new shoes!" And I threw my shoes away. To top all of this both my travelling bags were also broken, and I threw them away as well,
in the same frenzied proccess.
Then I came up against a major problem.
It's called capitalism.
All the shoes had the price of my remaining travel budget, after already having missed two bus connections.
Did I mention ADHD? Combined with sleep deprivation, it 's a very potent recipe for a series of major fuck-ups.
I was on the brink of despair, my toes were freezing, and soon I passed the brink of despair, and sat down and cried.
There, I put it on the blockchain.
That is what freezing toes, sleep deprivation, your own stupidity, and fucking expensive shoes can do to you.
But I got up again, and managed to find a pair of affordable shoes, after buying new travelling bags.
It sounds crazy, but I'm happy about this experience, in hindsight.
It is good to cry, it's cleansing. I hardly ever do it. I have decided to do it more often. And I came in contact with a basic reality of the human condition.
We are all quite vulnerable, we have constant needs that needs to be filled, and we are dependent on other people .
I totally agree that crying is cleansing. I love to have a good cry sometimes and I feel bad for people who think I'm wierd when I say that because they don't know what they're missing... I wish I could have sent you a hug though in your moment of despair...
That is very sweet of you! It all turned out well in the end, and I'm not easily defeated. I think that it's often better to break down for a while, and get up stronger, instead of the "stiff upper lip" method, which is very macho, and only leads to a lack of connection with one's emotions.
A lot of men are suffering from this, that is one reason for the rate of suicide violence and murder among men. The macho ideal sucks, and it's killing men.
And oppressing women.
It's oppressing men in a big way.. I've known some guys who greatly suffered with this in the past. I think they are getting better as they learn to distance themselves from people who discourage them from expressing that side of themselves. But some people are unfortunately their own worst enemy... And it's hard to help those who won't help themselves...
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