I learned a lot on my journey to become healthy. I learned that I control my food when my life is out of control, and use it as a way to punish myself. I learned new skills that help me function in a way that includes fueling my body, and how to cope with my feelings. I expected all these things, what I didn't expect is the following list.
Your sex drive returns. About three weeks into refeeding my sex drive came back with a vergence. Yours may return at some point too, be prepared. Enjoying sex again was confusing but also fufilling. It was difficult to allow my body to be naked and touched, but freeing to feel the pleasure again.
You will have good and bad days. Some days eating won't feel like a struggle at all, others will bring you to tears. Be kind to yourself and use your safety plan. It's ok to struggle, it's not okay to give up and let the disorder win. Keep fighting.
Free time will be a thing. All the time and energy you used to put into meal planning and obsessing about calories will now be used to plan ways to fuel your body. You will find that the minutes you spent looking up nutritional facts will add up. Use your new found time to help yourself. Do self care and don't obsess.
Everyone is different. Just because your friend from treatment returned 3 times doesn't mean you need to. Just because they spent 12 weeks and you spent 4 doesn't make you a better patient. Your sickness is valid. You do not need to be any sicker to get help. Please get help early.
It is expensive. Even with my insurance, being sent away for treatment drained every cent from my account. After treatment, I continued to see a doctor, nutritionist and counselor, each with their own copay. Getting treatment and sticking to it can be financially draining, but it is worth it when the other option is dying.
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