I don't follow. Could you explain a little?
I know I have expressed self-loathing, but that is largely down to the fact that I seem unable to be the person I would like to be, treating people with contempt for having the audacity to try and engage with me when I'm clearly busy with more important things. That kind of thing. It's not what AA teaches, and yet...
Just the basic notion that I don't think it's possible to give to others what one does not possess oneself! Finally, when I did try for the first time in my life (aged 40+) to turn a gaze of 'love' on me, myself, the response shocked me - I recoiled! It was almost a physical thing (though in my head) and had powerful and unexpected push-back. I'm saying that if one wants to feel love and compassion for others, one has to know what it means by targeting the self with those feeling first...and of course I have no idea if you have or you have not :D
That's what I'm saying....
I get you now. I don't know about giving and taking love though. I feel like the love is there, it's just obscured, you know? I need to free myself to reveal it. So if I can uncover the love at my end, there's more likelihood that it'll come back. Something like that anyway.