So there's either no log out feature, it's extremely well hidden or it's too obvious that we must be missing it completely. Can anyone throw some 2 cents in here?
Eureka! Alas, what felt like an eternity has finally yielded the answer- thanks to @magical-zaza you just click on the blank area next to the menu button to access the (yes it's lame) BLANK menu button.
...aaaaanddd I just realized it's only blank until you update your profile photo, which then becomes the button. This guy must be a #noob