10 Ways Steemit.com is BETTER THAN SEX (NSFW)

in #steemit8 years ago (edited)

I've been involved with Steemit.com and the STEEM project for nearly 3 months now.
In this time I've grown very close to STEEM and learned of it's many smooth curves..

My name is @klye - I'm an artist / programmer / entertainer and general all purpose weirdo.
I'm here to explain to you some of the finer points of Steemit, and why it's better than sex.

10 - Steemit Puts Out (content) All The Time

Unlike my babies momma, Steemit is always there for me when I need it to relieve a bit of stress. Either it be through writing, illustrating other authors articles, or just browsing through the new post submissions.. One thing is certain. Steemit's always putting out something that I'm wantin'

9 - No Babies!

We've all been there... You're bumpin' uglies with your wife, girlfriend, mistress, goat or whatever.. You're just starting to get your horizontal mambo going.. Then BAM...... Babies.
Thankfully on Steemit we have an age restriction.. Those sneaky little bastards won't pop up here.

8 - No Need to Satisfy It

You sit down, open up the site... Go to where you want, when you want. Doesn't matter if you're browsing deep inside Steemit or just dry humping the trending articles. When you're done you just close the site, get up, put your pants back on and leave. Steemit won't bitch or complain about it like my girlfriend does...

7 - Doesn't Cheat on You

More faithful than an old hound dog, Steemit will always be by your side and is highly unlikely run off and fuck your best friend (do I sound bitter?). Where other dirty crypto currencies will sneak around behind your back and end up in other peoples beds..STEEM won't!

6 - You're Unlikely to Catch Anything (Other than votes!)

Are the saber toothed crotch crickets gnawing through your balls/ladyballs? Does your dick appear to be growing more dicks..? That probably wouldn't have happened had you just stayed on Steemit.com instead of buying 2 for 1 ladyboys on your last vacation... You filthy degenerate!

5 - No Need to Shower off the Swank After

After a sex marathon you're glued to the bed, the wall, your cat and a bag of beef jerky you'd hidden under your pillow for later... After a Steemit.com marathon you're likely significantly less sticky and just as satisfied.

4 - Steemit is Really Accepting

Unlike the random drunk girl that laughed at your genitals when you whipped them out.. Steemit's seen it all and won't really make fun of you for it too terribly much. While not every user is 100% understanding.. as a whole the community feel is welcoming and accepting! Premature posting problem? Steemit won't tell anyone important.. ;)

3 - Very Little Maintenance Required

Haven't shaved your bush or brushed your teeth in 3 days? Join the Club! If you feel the urge to go onto Steemit.com and do some account maintenance.. Cool! But if not.. It's not a big deal! Your Steemit account can sit untouched as long as you want.. and will still be happy to see you when you log back in.

2 - Never Fakes a Headache

Steemit's always in the mood to satisfy your wants and desires. Whether you're craving the latest news from around the world or just want to browse the new up and coming STEEM Stars, Steemit will always make sure that you're well taken care of.

1 - You Don't Have to Pay it After... it Pays YOU!

What's the opposite of a hooker? Steemit.com! Probably the most exciting part about this platform is the fact that instead of trying to charge you for viewing content.. It actually pays you to view, vote and create content inside itself. So go ahead.. Take your pants off, hop onto your computer and start using Steemit.com... Not only will you get to live out your wildest fantasies... But she may pay you for it!

Edit: Oh wow! Thank you very much for the support Steemit! I hope you enjoyed. <3 KLYE

Sort:  

steemgasm, lmao

Guards! This hussy is trying to shoot me with her "hand gun"... lol

She'll handle your gun ;)

Someone had to coin the term..!

Well you did it and I almost miss it! Thanks to @spookysppoky for pointing it out! This term is going to get HUGE!

Hey team..! Glad you saw this article. :)

This post is so awesome I love it! Great pictures too!

Thank you for the support! <3

I like you @klye

And I like you..! very nice. :D

~borat accent~

lol. nice one. classic.

though I still gotta hold to my initial response upon seeing the title... "*if you feel that's the case you ain't DOIN' IT right..." ;-)

upvoted bro :D pretty funny aswell! :P haha

Sex... sex... What's that?

I'll teach you when your older son. ;)

hahahaha nice @klye 8]

Thanks Gekko. Appreciate the support!

You're the man now, dog!

JIMP

Bring out the gimp!

This is great.
2for1 ladyboys strikes again.

Ain't nothing a shot of penicillin can't fix.

Totally on point

Thanks for the support sir

Today I learned something new: "Your Steemit account can sit untouched as long as you want.. and will still be happy to see you when you log back in."

Thanks @klye

Knowledge is power..!

This is the funniest! Great post! I'll have to follow you more. You've got my vote!

Almost every post I touch ends up either an illustrated guide.. Or degenerate ramblings. :)

I appreciate the support. Will try and keep the posts coming for our entertainment.

R.I.P. Calva. We will never forget.

He was our comrade. Bot brother in uptucking an most of all our mascot.
We shall mourn him until he is resurrected from his eternal slumber.

RIP @calva

You look so nice in this picture - I immediately liked
Want more!

I generally post my illustrations with #klyeart tags.. Check it out. :)

damn I laughed so much I woke the kids up.

Oops! When in doubt blame it on KLYE!

This is freaking hilarious. My favorite: "steemgasm".
When I first read this and subsequently shared it on my Linkedin feed, I almost crapped my pants. I was in a dentist office at the time.
Glad I didn't have that one night stand and just chose to write about past sordid affairs. My crab-free crotch thanks me too.
This was a genius post! I just gave you like $40 too. ha ha!!

Thank you for the shares and support stellabelle!
I honestly never thought I'd be blessed with your thumbs up. :)

I'll try to keep the posts flowin' Thanks again lovely. <3 KLYE

Holy Cow dude over a GRAND!! Congratulations!! Seeya in the steemit.chat later!
YEAH BUDDAYYY!!

Bigdude you da man!

Что в головах этих людей?))
Какая-то хрень - бац - штукарь баксов))))
Я не завидую, я в ахуе))
Dont fuck steemit man))

I try to have some fun on this post.

Love from Canada to you. :)

Love from Russia))

@klye this article made me so much laugh :)
Great :)

Thank you for the feedback margot.

I am glad I can make you laugh. <3

Thanks all great, but what I would like to know is:

Will Steem have a midlife crisis?

Damn that cracked me up ..you nailed it

Nice post..Very usefull 😉

preach it brotha