How to be as Lazy as possible and still make money on Steemit.

Kitteh

This is really the biggest question on everyone's mind - if we're honest.

How do I make a lot of money off of this funny little website without doing any actual work?

In business terms - How do I minimize risk and maximize profits?

Wayne
(Like this guy!)

Because, put simply. Putting a lot of work into content without any guarantee of reward is a form of risk.

Granted, it's the lowest possible form of risk ever presented to a human being in the history of our species. We run a higher risk when we get out bed in the morning . There are no wooly mammoths to trample us on Steemit. No Sabertooth Kitties to make a dainty feast of our nether regions and munch upon our ass bones like kibbles. We've got it good, homies.

Sabertooth
(Fuck. That. Shit.)

But the psychology of risk is still present. On Steemit, you run the risk of wasting time and effort.

You probably (in my case: fucking definitely) would have wasted time and effort on something else anyway - but it still feels like a big risk in our entitled little millennial brain-holes, which makes it a powerful demotivator, whether or not the fear is based in reality.

There are countless posts on this site about how to maximize profits and please the mighty Cetaceans. If there were an easy way to save or favorite posts on this website, I would probably link to some of them for you. As it stands, I am too lazy and you can go find them yourself.

Whale
(Here I am now, entertain meh!)

Or if you are lazy like me, you can just hang around on the "New" page. On average, somebody writes a great advice post about how to write better advice posts every 10 minutes. Go find one and upvote the shit out of it!

In keeping with this website's aquatic theme, it's basically like fishing - the laziest fucking sport ever invented.

All this talk of laziness - and how much fun it is to be lazy - brings me to the real point of my article. This is a point that very few people (to my knowledge) seem to be talking about.

How to Minimize Effort

the CORE FUCKING PROBLEM - in my opinion, is a psychological one, simply because "Effort" is an imaginary concept. In English, we tend to define Effort or Work as a combination of things.

Physical Energy.
Time Spent
Determination

Here is the Dictionary definition from Google to back up my claim and make it look like I researched something:

ef·fort

noun

1) a vigorous or determined attempt.

3) the result of an attempt.

2) strenuous physical or mental exertion.

So all we need to do is eliminate these three unpleasant concepts from our lives, and we have successfully minimized effort, right?

Don't worry, this is going to be way easier than you think! Let's start knocking these off the list.

1. Physical energy.

Let's eliminate this one first because it's easiest. You aren't spending any physical energy on Steemit. Staying up late and drinking too much coffee doesn't count as physical energy. If you have somehow managed to expend a single calorie on Steemit, and currently resent me for my denialism - you are guilty on two separate counts of stupid, sorry.

2. Time

This is a bit tougher, because you ARE spending a lot of time on Steemit, so the answer to this one is a little more roundabout. I think it it comes down to our perception of why we are Steemiting in the first place.

If you're like me, you probably get on Steemit during your days off, on lunch break, or after work. During the time you would normally devote to Netflix, Porn and Video Games. If you are currently unemployed and spending all of your time on Steemit, congratulations. You have already won the game and I am not in a position to give you any advice about how to minimize effort.

Back to my point, though. The problem is that we are still treating Steemit like work because there are dollar signs attached. There is an excellent article by @lukestokes about how to literally take off the dollar signs, and I highly recommend it.

If you're not enjoying the stuff that you read and write about here - YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. Stop writing about boring shit and post whatever you want.

The greed and obsession that got people hooked in the first place is VERY USEFUL, as illustrated in this article by @cryptoctopus, but it won't help you in the long term, and will only lead to frustration and despair if your current interests don't align naturally with the whales'.

The only viable long term strategy for the success of Steemit (or ANY social media platform), is for us to be comfortable creating content for ourselves and people like us. The votes will come later - or not. Fuck the votes. The trick is to start using Steem recreationally @berniesanders ;)

(And not a single fuck was given that day.)

People don't post on Reddit or Facebook because they are somehow deluded by useless likes and upvotes. They post because it's FUN. Upvotes are an afterthought that help gauge reaction and maintain quality control. Steemit should be fun too.

3. Determination

This is the hardest one, and also the easiest one. You guessed it! Get ready for some major zen shit.

The problem lies with our socially constructed concept of "Mental Energy". When under pressure, either internally or externally inflicted, we feel like we perform tasks better when we are "Paying Attention" to them, which is actually counter productive, because the act of paying attention or trying to focus requires too much awareness of our surroundings, and prevents us from truly focusing, zoning in and getting lost in the task at hand - which is actually fairly relaxing and therapeutic.

The reality is that we have to stop trying. Because do, or do not, THERE IS NO TRY

Yoda
(An excellent example of not trying: Google Yoda, get distracted by memes, post a buttsecks joke instead)

If you've ever been criticized by your boss, parent or significant other for not "trying hard enough" even when you hadn't done anything wrong, you are doubtless familiar with the frustration of attempting to quantify such an abstract and overall useless concept. Wtf does "Try" even mean? How do we determine "Determination?"

Here is Alan Watts explaining why the concept of trying hard is basically bullshit. Alan Watts is cool as fuck, you should watch the whole thing.

TL;DW there is no try.

That's the body of my post, I'm going to add something inspiring as the last paragraph, because somebody smarter than me suggested I do this to get lots of vote conversions and upclicks or whatever.

Always remember that you are a beautiful snowflake. Your dreams will all come true if you pursue your passions. Just look at Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne, Wolverine, @piedpiper and the rest of the Canadians. If it can happen to them, it will definitely happen to you!

Here is an inspiring video to explain this shit in a less literal way with slow piano chords!

Thanks for reading. And remember that Jesus loves you. Amen!

Based on my rudimentary understanding of SEO, I have included links below to some of my other posts!
Check out my musings about Napoleon, Hitler, Penguins and Socks

PPS. Thanks for the upvotes @dantheman and all my other homies! *insert BS speech about how humbling this is and how I'll be sure to remember my small-town roots when I'm tossing Peter Dinklage and snorting cocaine off Margot Robbie's ass.

But for realsies, thank you!