From your comment & reflection upon it, I gained insight.
Do I really want what I can buy with the money that I will soon have, do I really want those muscles, do I really want to be smart and know things from reading & experience?
Or do I want the struggle to attain riches & greatness itself?
Of course, I want all the things that I can reap from my work, but now where I think about it I don't really value the outcome that much.
I think the struggle itself, the journey, that is the time that you will always remember in your life.
I imagine sitting in my own house, far away from the city, having what I wanted and still striving for more, because that is now what I do, the way of Odin, constantly improving & learning.
And while I do the work I look around and see my nice new house, remembering how it was to sit here in this clean, small apartment in the city, where everything has begun.
The struggle, the journey, the ups & downs, the hardship on purpose, that is my way of life now, to give 150% because I only have this life & to become a legend.
So that my name will never die & be a guiding light for all my family members and people that live in this spiritually dead world.
I like you said guiding light. See we are simply created to distribute to others. We are to distribute light, legacy, love, and truth. By emptying yourself you take on a much higher form of being and living. This is true living. Emptying yourself for the sake of others.
This world is surely spiritually dead. This is why I do everything I can to share light and hope so that people can distribute that back out into the world.